


Love, a bit Crazy

by yrrosoban



Category: NCT (Band), We Go Up - NCT Dream (Music Video)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Blood and Gore, Blood and Torture, Depression, Dom Lee Jeno, Lee Jeno-centric, Light BDSM, M/M, Murder, Nomin are whipped, Poor Mark Lee (NCT), Psycho, Psychopaths In Love, Self-Harm, Sociopath, Soft Jaemin, Soft Na Jaemin, Top Lee Jeno, Toxic love, blind jaemin, lee jeno is messed up, nomin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:14:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 35,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28857936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yrrosoban/pseuds/yrrosoban
Summary: Lee Jeno was crazily in love with his blind boy friend.So in love, that he didn't even think twice to get rid of anyone who dared touch Na Jaemin.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Huang Ren Jun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 75
Kudos: 155





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Back again with my blind Nana fic.
> 
> Tags will be added as the story goes by. So do check the tags time to time!

_**2nd** **February, 201** **5** _

“He's cute” 

Jeno looked up to see who was his friend classmate was talking about. 

A boy. 

Sitting alone in the garden. Slowly picking up the sliced fruit from the container with his long slender fingers before carefully pushing them inside his mouth. 

_How many_ _pieces will come out from_ _a single finger?_ _3 per finger? If they are_ _snipped from each_ _knuckle_ _._

That was the first thought came to Jeno's mind when he first saw Jaemin on the second year of high school. & yet, Jeno would say he was pretty normal to think that. 

_**13** **th** **April, 201** **6** _

_**1:00 PM** _

“I heard he's blind! He won't even know who it was!” 

Jeno kept writing down his notes as a few low lives kept planning something just behind him. 

_Idiots._

_**7:45 PM** _

“P-please! Please Help Me!” 

Jeno stared at the crying boy in front of him. The boy looked historic as he tried to find anything or anyone to grab onto blindly. 

_The blind boy._

Jeno kept staring at the boy who was trying to find a way out from the room with his half-torn school shirt & messy look that screamed what was about to happen here a while ago. 

It wasn't like that Jeno wanted to help the boy or something. It was purely a coincidence (at least Jeno would like to say it was) that he was in front of the janitor’s room 3hrs after the school was over. It was purely a coincidence to beat his noisy classmate to death one by one. He didn't really want to save the boy from being gang raped inside the school. He just wanted to feel excited, he just wanted to feel the rush of adrenaline in his body when he would see the red tacky liquid oozing out from those noisy kids bashed skull. He didn’t mean to spare the blind boy. 

But he did. 

Jeno wordlessly held the boy's trembling hand as he guided the other to the nearest washroom. He wordlessly pulled out the torn shirt over the protesting boy's body in a swift tug before handing him a shirt he sneaked out from the gym locker on his way. Jeno was annoyed, be had a sudden urge to suffocate the screaming boy who thought he was still getting violated. 

& for a second Jeno did. He felt the other clawing his hand, that had its fingers wrapped around the other boy's neck, suffocating him until the boy's screams faded away into heavy breaths & choked sobs. 

Jeno felt something in him stir that moment. When his eyes locked with the teary eyes of the blind boy. Jeno felt alive to be in control, he felt alive to have control over the blind boy who was now heaving like a gaping fish. Jeno kept observing as the other's half naked body shivered with fear, as his visionless eyes frantically moving every direction in a futile attempt to find Jeno. 

Jeno hated it. He hated the marks from those noisy kids on the blind boys slightly golden skin. He hated how they marked the boy like beasts trying to rip off the blind boy's skin. He hated how the boy trembled in fear mistaking him for one of those dead kids. 

Jeno hated being mistaken as those bastards. 

But now Jeno liked it. He liked it when he saw the blind boy crying because of him. He liked how he had the upmost control over the boy now. He liked how the boy had a blooming mark around his neck because of Jeno. He liked how the mark screamed that.... The boy was Jeno's. 

The boy was only his to break, only his to fix. 

From that moment Na Jaemin belonged to Lee Jeno.... 


	2. Color of Desire

_**June, 2016** _

Jaemin was scared. No. Terrified. 

Jaemin tried to scream but nothing came out from his mouth due to the pressure around his neck. He tried to claw away the grip from his neck, as tears kept running down his eyes. Last April's memory flashed back in his mind. 

A pair of hand. Choking him. Caressing the mark on his neck. Wordlessly. 

“DIE! DIE! YOU BITCH! MY SON DIED BECAUSE OF YOU! YOU SHOULD DIE TOO!” 

Jaemin felt dizzy. He felt he'd die any moment. When suddenly the pressure on his neck disappeared. Jaemin felt his whole body giving up on him as he crushed on the dirty road, chest heaving up & down to get air inside his empty lungs. He ears were ringing, he couldn't make sense of anything at that moment. 

It hurt. More than it hurt before. Jaemin sobbed as he found himself scooting back to the wall & bringing up his knees to hide his face behind them. He felt coldness of the night mocking him for being so weak. For not being able to protect himself. For his unwanted disability. 

He didn't want this. He didn't want those kids to die, no matter what they had done to him prior. He told the police countless time about the mysterious stranger who saved him, but then attacked him, & left him after..... Police couldn’t find any trace of the killer, making the anger of those kid's parents now directed to him. 

How was he at fault? Being born with blindness, was it his fault? 

Jaemin never thought it before, but now he started to think.... It was his fault to be blind. It was his fault that people could easily take advantage of him. 

It was his fault that he was still living. 

Jeno stared at the boy sobbing like an annoying child. He let go of the bloody unconscious body on the ground before slowly making his way to the blind boy. 

_Crying. Because of someone else._

Jeno gritted his teeth at the thought. Within a second he grabbed the boy by his hair & harshly tugged it back, making the boy cry out in pain from stretching his sore neck & the grip on his neck. 

_That's better now._

“Please...” Hiccup. “Pl-ease leave me alone!” 

Jeno felt the boy trembling with fear as his fingers traced the new mark on the boy's neck, putting pressure on the sore skin every now & then, making the boy whimper in pain. He loved how the boy begged him. It made Jeno's thin lips curve upward in a satisfied smile. 

_Yeah. It should be me, you're crying for._

Jeno loosened his grip on the boy's hair before grabbing the boy's wrist, making him stand up along with Jeno. The boy weakly protested but soon enough stopped when Jeno gave a hard squeeze on his wrist, making the boy whimper in pain. Happy with the reaction, Jeno dragged the crying boy with him, as he walked down the darker paths leading to his home. 

Jeno would hear the boy's soft cries as dragged the boy along with him. Jaemin didn't protest anymore, too scared of the thoughts of what might happen if he did. & Jeno felt satisfaction in that. His boy knew when to listen to him... 

Jeno unlocked the front door with his free hand, while still holding onto the blind boy’s wrist with another. He pushed open the door as he stepped inside, tugging the trembling crying boy with him. He bluntly ignored the passed out figure on the couch & made his way to upstairs, to his room. It annoyed him how long it was taking for the boy to walk up the stairs blindly. Annoyed, Jeno left the boy's wrist & hooked his one arm under the boy's leg & the other supporting his back, making the boy let out a small scream in fear of falling. The boy immediately clutched the front of Jeno's shirt, shaky eyes wide with fear swirling in his dark chocolate orbs as Jeno easily carried the boy to his room. 

“Call your home. Tell them you’ll stay with Renjun.” 

Jeno saw the boy nearly jumped off hearing the mechanical voice coming from his phone. He snickered when he saw the boy's eyes becoming teary once again. 

“P-please...please let me go...” 

It was soft...broken.... Just like Jeno liked it. Jeno swiftly typed something on his phone before hitting the speech button, making the mechanical voice fill the whole room again. 

“Either you call them. Or, I'll visit them myself.” 

Jeno liked the way fear flashed on the boy’s big eyes before he started to look for his phone in his jeans pocket. Jeno silently watched the boy bringing out an android & call his mom with the help of speech navigation. 

As soon as the boy was done talking, Jeno pushed the boy on his back, making the boy yelp at the sudden force. It amused Jeno how the boy tried to scurry off further back om the bed. As if... It would save him from Jeno. Jeno chuckled under his breath loving every expression the other boy was making. He grabbed the boy by his ankle before tugging the boy back to his previous place, under him. 

With one hand he tightly gripped the boy's jaw & forced it upward, making the boy let out a pained cry because of the sore muscles of his neck. 

Jeno observed the blooming purple mark on the boy's throat before applying a cold healing gel on it with two fingers of his free hand. 

“I-it...hurts...” 

Jeno's ears perked up at the broken whisper & immediately reduced the pressure of his finger on the sore muscle, now barely touching the skin. He let the coolness of the gel touch the boy as his fingers brushed against the length of the boy's neck. 

Jeno liked people suffering. He liked to see those movies of tortures & bloods. He loved when people screamed, fearing him. He liked to see people in pain. But... That night Jeno couldn't help but to like if better seeing the blind boy in less pain than before. Something in him told him that he didn't want to see the boy in pain. May be sometimes? When Jeno would feel the urge. But not like the other people. 

Jaemin wasn't any other people. Jaemin was his. Jaemin belonged to Jeno. 

That night Jeno left another mark on Jaemin, when the boy fell asleep as Jeno was almost done treating his sore neck. His boy needed to bear his mark. 

& the blooming purple flower on the sleeping boy's collarbone was the result of Jeno's desire. 


	3. Worries & Lies

_**4** **th** **July, 2016** _

“ Jaemin... Please tell us what's wrong ...”

Renjun was worried. Worried for his best friend.  Last few months had been rough for the blind boy. Jaemin was barely holding it. & now it got worse to the point  Jaemin had stopped talking to other. He only uses a few words here & there, when it was absolute necessary. Otherwise he'd stay quiet, & alone in a side, away from everyone. 

Recently Renjun found out that Jaemin often got back home late , sometimes he wouldn’t be back, lying that he was at Renjun’s.  Renjun had asked the boy many times, but in vain. Jaemin always kept mum. & it scared Renjun to death.  Jaemin wasn’t like this. Jaemin had always been  loud & cheery one between them.  Even though Jaemin was blind his eyes were always sparkling, but now?  They were blank. They weren’t shining anymore.

“Jaemin please. Just tell me once! We can figure it out together! I promise!”

“I'm okay  I njun-ah... I can figure it out myself. Please don't worry.”

Renjun felt anger bubbling inside of him at that. Jaemin was clearly hiding something. Every word coming out of his mouth  was forced .  Didn't Jaemin trust him? Didn't Jaemin  feel bad lying to his own best friend?

“Then explain where do you disappear after school! ” Renjun shouted, making the blind boy flinch  in fear. “Where do you stay nights? Who were with you?  Who the fuck is it?!”

“Renjun plea -“

“ I don't wanna hear anything but truth Jaemin! Come find me when you're done lying!”

Renjun stormed away from the blind boy. His own eyes stung with tears as he remembered how frightened & helpless Jaemin looked when Renjun screamed at him. But still, Jaemin didn't tell a single thing.

_ What if- he's being blackmailed? _

Renjun stopped in his  track as soon as the possibility crossed his mind.  But why wo uld someone do that to  Jaemin ?! Why would someone blackmail him?! & who  wou \- 

_ “RENJUN! He tried to kill me  _ _ Renjun _ _! H-he tried to choke me!”  _ _ Jaemin _ _ cried out as soon as police let  _ _ Renjun _ _ see the traumatised male.  _ _ Renun _ _ wide eyed stared at  _ _ Jaemin _ _ who was going historic with every passing seconds.  _ _ Renjun _ _ pulled the blind boy in a tight embrace to calm him down, but in vain. _

_ “Injun! W-what if he comes for me again?! What if… what if he kills me like those kids!” _

_ Renjun _ _ felt fear settle in his stomach at that. The killer was on run. He was free & unknown! What if he didn’t kill  _ _ Jaemin _ _ just because he was blind?! What if he came for  _ _ Jaemin _ _ later to erase the last survivor?! What if he came back to kill  _ _ Jaemin _ _?! _

Renjun felt his chest tighten as the thought flashed in his mind. What if it’s the killer?!

Renjun immediately turned back & ran through the corridor to their classroom where he left  Jaemin . But he was late….  Jaemin wasn’t there anymore.

Jaemin was nowhere in the school.


	4. Feelings & Mind Games

_**24** **th** **July, 2016** _

“Can we get ice cream?”

If  Jeno didn’t find the younger cute before, he found it now. He silently traced the latter’s cheekbone as  Jaemin waited for a response. He simply cupped one side of  Jaemin’s face before leaning in to press a small soft kiss on his temple.

It was  Jeno’s answer & Jaemin understood it well.

Something changed between them since last two weeks.  Jaemin couldn’t see it, but he felt it well. His attacker?  Jaemin didn’t even know what to call him anymore. But recently he noticed that the other would buy jellies, like a lot. & one particular flavour had caught  Jaemin’s attention.

Acorn.

So,  one day out of nowhere  Jaemin started to call the other  dotori . & the said  dotori did nothing but to give a soft squeeze on his hand, as a way to let  Jaemin know that he liked it.

Jaemin noticed the change after that train ride 2weeks ago.  Dotori had suddenly stopped being  hursh with  Jaemin after that day. Well not completely, but a lot less than the first two months.  Dotori had suddenly become affectionate. He would always hold hands with  Jaemin or place one of his hands on the small of  Jaemin’s back whenever they were outside or in crowded place.  Dotori had stopped dragging him like a madm an unlike before when he would grab  Jaemin’s wrist & pull him without any mercy.  & dotori even tried cooking for  Jaemin ! Whenever he kept the blind boy for the night.

Jaemin remember how  awful the burnt smell was on the first day  Dotori tried cooking. It almost scared  Jaemin out of wits, thinking the house was on fire. But later he found out the other burnt the food to the point that it was almost irremovable from the burnt pot. Later  Jaemin offered to cook with a small voice, praying the other wouldn’t go nuts on him. & to his surprise  Dotori had placed a spatula on  Jaemin’s hand as his answer.

It was difficult to walk inside a new place when you are blind, & more difficult to cook in the kitchen. But  Dotori was always there with him.  Jaemin just stood in one place & asked  Dotori for the things he needed & the other silently land them on  Jaemin’s hand the next moment.  Jaemin almost burnt his hand twice on the first day of cooking if it wasn’t for  dotori’s fast reflex.  Since the whenever  dotori would make  Jaemin stay over,  Jaemin would cook for them wearing a pair of heat resistant mittens that the other bought for him.

Jaemin was blind for sure, but he could feel the  intense gaze on the back of his head, whenever he would work in the kitchen. It was too intense, but as well as comforting, knowing there was someone to look over him.

The biggest change was the sudden stopping of violence or manhandling with  Jaemin .  Dotori had stopped randomly choking  Jaemin or scaring the shit out of him.  Jaemin didn’t know how long it was  gonna last, but he would take it until it was offered to him… or until  Dotori’s obsession with him ended.

For past few weeks  Jaemin had been doing some research on this type of behaviour, & from the small amount of knowledge he gathered from the internet due to the lack of vocal articles,  Jaemin was so far sure that it was some kind of mental illness due to past issues or child trauma. According to this behaviour & the info from google,  Dotori was implied  to be a sociopath: someone who was out of control or couldn’t hold in his horrific temper & behaviour in public. Jaemin spent nights awake trying to figure out  dotori , because he couldn’t just rely on this little amount info. Jaemin didn’t know about  Dotori & his daily life other than the times  dotori would spend with him, so  Jaemin didn’t want to assume anything yet. There was a lot more to this matter that  Jaemin didn’t know. So  Jaemin decided to observe the other as much as he could for now.

Only if  Jaemin knew, he was being too naïve.

It was a mixture of both, comfort & fear, what  Jaemin would feel with  dotori . For some reason,  dotori;s smallest gestures would make his heart go warm, again some would make him weary of the other.  Dotori’s mood swings were unpredictable, so even if the things had changed between them,  Jaemin felt a small portion of fear in his heart. He was scared what could  dotori do to him, if  dotori changed back to how he was at first.

But then again  dotori would be soft with him, cared about him. It made  Jaemin feel like he was okay there…with  dotori ,  Jaemin was safe. Both of them would be just fine, only if  Jaemin could keep the other happy. & making  dotori happy wasn’t really hard.

Just doing what  Dotori wanted.

& Jaemin thought he could do that well.

At first  Jaemin had to force himself to obey what  dotori asks him to. But soon it became natural & normal.  Jaemin felt himself  natirally look forward to meet the other boy. They never had a single conversation, either it’s small or big, because until now  dotori had never uttered a single word in front of  Jaemin . It was always the mechanical voice from phone & Jaemin’s own voice.  Otherwise it was just small gestures, touches or soft tugs to let  Jaemin know his answers. Sometimes it would made  Jaemin wonder if  Dotori was actually mute or not. But that didn’t really matter to  Jaemin .  Jaemin was okay like this, & would be okay in future too if his  Dotori changes for him.

Lying became easier when  Jaemin realised he wanted to meet the other boy himself, without any pressure. Day would pass slowly when  Jaemin would be in class, but then it would be finished in a blink of his eyes when he would be with  dotori . He even managed to make  Renjun understand that he was okay, he was safe…lying that he spent time with someone he liked for a long time now.  Renjun had backed down, but of course with a warning that he’d  step in if he assumed it was necessary. & Jaemin was okay with that.

More than he should’ve been.

Jaemin was kind, too kind for his own good that he tried find goodness in everyone; even in the people who misbehaved with him, tried to abuse him. He tried to find goodness in  dotori who was getting more & more obsessive & territorial with  Jaemin with every passing days. 

& Jaemin … naïve  Jaemin …

Slowly started to fall for a psychopath.

& unknown to him,  Jeno could see through  Jaemin’s mind & soul crystal clear.  Jeno could see the blind boy slowly starting to make his way to  Jeno with smallest hesitant steps. Trying to trust  Jeno bit by bit & taking the chance,  Jeno lured him more.

With sweet gestures, mock consideration & something small in his heart that  Jeno didn’t know himself.

Jeno would admit the  underlying satisfaction watching the boy making his way to  Jeno , stumbling on the path, to hesitant to walk fast. It made him excited knowing he was curving a small place in the blind boy’s heart. Slow, but steadily. It made him feel joyous when his boy would voluntarily lean onto his touch.

In one  word..

Alive

That’s what  Jeno felt with  Jaemin by his side.

& if  Jaemin thought  Jeno would let him go, once he was bored of him… then he was wrong.  Jaemin was so fucking wrong.

Jeno was never  gonna leave  Jaemin . & he would make sure  Jaemin would never want to leave his  dotori too. He would make sure  Jaemin would only feel him,  onlu love him.

Jeno would make sure  sure Jaemin would only obey him, only fear him, only give into him.

He’d make sure that  Jaemin belonged to him, in every possible way.


	5. Birthday Night [M]

**_ 13 _ ** **_ th _ ** **_ August, 201 _ ** **_ 6 _ **

It was burning. 

Every touch of Dotori was burning Jaemin's soft skin.

Jaemin's breath hitched when he felt a pair of soft lips  below his ear, then to the base of his neck, then to  the hollow space between his clavicles. Jaemin felt himself shivering with a  newfound feeling inside him as Dotori  kept leaving small kisses all over his neck. He felt his breathing  becoming heavy as Dotori ’s lips  trailed  from Jaemin's neck to  his clavicles slowly, peppering countless of kisses on the process.

Suddenly a weird sound escaped from his  lips making Dotori halt from pressing down more kisses. Jaemin felt himself flushing red from embarrassment  & quickly clamped a hand on his mouth, mortified. 

This wasn't  supposed to happen! But now that it happened, Jaemin didn’t know if he wanted  it t o stop or not.

Jaemin didn’t know how Dotori found out his birthday. But he  should've been expecting this , knowing how obsessed the other one was with him.  With every  passing day Jaemin learnt to trust the older , as the older started to treat him better. Jaemin started to believe that he could change the other. He could change t he way of  thinking of dotori. He believed dotori too,  liked Jaemin like Jaemin like the other. So Jaemin hoped, that  one day he'd be able to change  dotori from inside ou t . May be then  Jaemin's growing  feelings for the other boy wouldn’t worry him anymore.

It startled Jaemin when suddenly the infamous birthday song by P. Hill & J. Hill filled the room. Then suddenly he felt  Dotori holding his hand, guiding it to something in front of him. A huge smile got painted on Jaemin’s face as soon as his fingers touched the creamy texture of the outer layer of the cake. Jaemin didn't get a wish from dotori, but the gesture was more than enough for Jaemin to understand the other's feelings. 

Their hidden party started like that. Only two of them, basking in the silence. It was comfortable; the silence. A silence Jaemin grew to like a lot more than the noise from others. Jaemin was happy, it was the first time someone other than  Renjun tried to celebrate his birthday. Someone else tried to make him smile, considering it was his birthday. It made Jaemin felt special.

Many people would ask about Jaemin's mom, what she would do? Or did in past? Jaemin's relation with his mom had always been too formal for Jaemin's liking. Since the time when his dad was alive, Jaemin had been treated like a chore. His mom never wanted a blind child. A child who would only add problems & extra works on her plate. Jaemin was close to his dad. He'd go extra measures for Jaemin just to make the boy smile a bit. But of course, every good thing had to end early. His dad died from a road accident, trying to save him. Jaemin's lucky that his mom didn't blame him for her husband’s death, because Jaemin was already doing that for years, & it wasn't a good feeling. Jaemin wouldn't deny that his mom loved him. He felt it. Small gestures were enough. Maybe she treated Jaemin like a chore, but at least did it perfectly. She raised him well, made him educated, she even made sure Jaemin learned piano. Why? Because Jaemin's dad used to teach the blind boy once. She wouldn't have done all these if she didn't love him now, would she? 

At least that’s what Jaemin liked to believe.

But yes, in the end the distance was there. May be that's another reason Jaemin found lying easy. She never really tried to find out why Jaemin would often stay over at Renjun's for past few months ?  Why would he be late after school? She never tried to find out. The day of attack, she hugged Jaemin...after years.... Jaemin was too scared to notice that at first.  But when he finally noticed, the warm embrace wasn't there anymore. He spent days in his room alone, sometimes Renjun would join him. But his mom didn't say a word. & after few days, Jaemin fell into the normal routine  once again. Waking up, eating breakfast, going to school with the help of vocal navigation, attending class, & coming back home alone. Renjun wanted to come with him many times, but Jaemin never let him. The boy  literally lived in  the opposite  direction, so walking Jaemin home would only mean Renjun had to wall double length to go back his home. Everything was going to smoothly, mechanically, until saved him  for the 2 nd tine  from getting killed that  night. 

May be that's why Jaemin was eager to find the goodness in Dotori. Jaemin's empty  nights were now filled with Dotori. May be that's why Jaemin wanted to change dotori, so the affection, the feelings he felt for the other boy wouldn't go waste  one day .

Jaemin craved for attention, a bit priority, a bit love. & Dotori gave him all that. Jaemin believed people could change if they wanted to. That's why, no matter what Dotori's past was, Jaemin believed he deserved a chance. He deserved a chance to fall in love, to receive love. & Jaemin was willing to give that to the latter.

So, when  Jaemin received a kiss on his forehead on his birthday because he teasingly asked for one, Jaemin felt happy, warm & content. He felt the butterflies in his stomach flying in a  matching r hythm making him a bit bolder than before.

“What? Only a kiss?”

It was meant to be a joke. But Dotori had other plans. Jaemin received another small peck on his cheek, then one on his nose, then to his eyes to his cheekbones. Jaemin flushed bright at the loving gesture, it was the first time someone was kissing Jaemin like this. Even though it wasn't on his lips, but still made Jaemin’s heart beat like it was in drugs.

Jaemin yelped out loud when he was suddenly pushed on his back. Eyes  blown wide, not knowing what was going on. His other senses were already started to work, making him  conscious of what any sound or  touch. He didn't know what to expect.  So, when suddenly  something soft landed just below his ear, he panicked.  A bad memory from a few months ago resurfaced on his mind. He started to struggle against the other body which was looming over him. Jaemin felt his voice stuck in his throat as a few drops of tears escaped from his eyes. 

Jaemin felt afraid. He was scared.

But everything  seemed to fade away when someone held his hand softly, & stroked the back of Jaemin's hand with his thumb a felt a soft kiss on his temple , a known one. Then he remembered, it was only him & his dotori here...

A cry of relief escaped Jaemin's lips as the other hugged him tight. Jaemin hid his crying face on the  crook of  dotori's neck as he hugged the older back .  At that moment Jaemin felt like it was his safe heaven. A place  where Jaemin was safe, from the cruel universe.

The next time Jaemin felt soft comforting kisses were may be after an hour. Dotori took his time with Jaemin, making Jaemin's heart warm. This time Jaemin didn’t freak out. He simply l aid back on Dotori's  embrace as dotori once again  caused a chaos inside his heart with  the soft touch of his lips on Jaemin's face.

Jaemin didn't know what this feeling was in his heart, but he liked it. He liked dotori's kisses.  So, he let his eyes close, & enjoy the fluttering feelings. Jaemin felt him being laid on the sheets, his hand untangled from the fabric of dotori’s shirt. He felt dotori move & lightly straddle his waist once again. Heat rose up on Jaemin's face at the position. He tightly closed his eyes, even though it didn't really matter; he was blind after all. He felt his breath going heavy with anticipation, as he waited for dotori.

Soon he felt fingers softly tracing his face. He felt a shudder running down his spine as  dotori softly dragged his fingers to Jaemin's jaw to his neck to the exposed skin  peeking through his school shirt. Jaemin felt the other take his time touching his exposed skin again & again, making it burn. Every touch of  dotori burned Jaemin; in a good way.

Jaemin felt  warm breath hitting his neck after a while. But  no touch. Jaemin felt other’s hot breath hitting his jaws his necks, but Dotori didn't press his lips  again. As if he was waiting for Jaemin to give out a signal. & Jaemin did. He silently turned his head to a side as one of his hand found the other boy's shirt, shyly tugging it to continue.

& dotori didn’t need to be told twice.

Jaemin eyes flew open as soon as  dotori  planted the first kiss  right below his Jawline. He left his  whole body shivering as Jeno  filled his neck with soft sweet kisses.

Jaemin's breath hitched when he felt a pair of soft lips below his ear, then to the base of his neck, then to the hollow space between his clavicles. Jaemin felt himself shivering with a  newfound feelings inside  him as Dotori kept leaving small kisses all over his neck. He felt his breathing becoming heavy as Dotori’s lips trailed from Jaemin's neck to his clavicles slowly, peppering countless of kisses on the process.

Suddenly a weird sound escaped from his lips making Dotori halt from pressing down more kisses. Jaemin felt himself flushing red from embarrassment & quickly clamped a hand on his mouth, mortified. 

This wasn't  supposed to happen! But now that it happened, Jaemin didn’t know if he wanted it to stop or not.

Jeno stared at the boy under him.

_ Pretty. _

Jeno felt a ghost smile forming on his lips as he saw the other boy  shut his eyes tightly, ears bright red, chest heaving slightly. 

Jeno  lazily traced his fingers on Jaemin's face, letting the boy get familiar with his touch. Jeno felt it  endearing how Jaemin relaxed slowly under his fingertips. Jeno stared at the  boy's minuscule expression as Jeno ran his fingers from the boy's jaw to his neck to the collarbones. He felt hot, seeing the small puff of breath coming out from the blind boy's pretty lips.  Feeling the tug on his shirt Jeno l eaned in, wanting to kiss those soft lips. But stopped as soon as he remembered what happened an hour ago.

So, he held back, & let his breath heatt up the other boy's skin as he waited for a sign from his boy. & nothing could make him happier, than the time when Jaemin bared his neck for Jeno. & Jeno dived in.

It started with small kisses, from the soft jawline to the exposed skin of Jaemin's chest. It was then when a soft moan left the younger’s parted lips, riling up Jeno more. Jeno felt the need to hear the sound again & again. He  softly held Jaemin's hand that was clasped around his mouth to prevent those sweet sounds from coming out. He pulled Jaemin's hand away before loosely pinning it beside Jaemin's head. He intertwined his fingers with Jaemin's as he pressed down the hand on  its place before diving in to leave another kiss right on the hollow.

“ ah..! ”

Jaemin was already looking messed up with his  flushed neck, hazy eyes, parted lips letting out the sweetest sounds.  Jeno felt a switch in him turned on, as his kisses became more frequent, more pressed making Jasmin emit louder moans. Jeno felt excitement spreading in his whole body with every sound Jaemin made. 

Jeno could feel Jaemin's heart beating violently against his chest . He wanted to feel more. His free hand found  its way to the buttons of Jaemin's shirt, slowly unbuttoning the first  one before pushing the fabric to a side. Jeno felt the boy hitch as cold air hit his newly exposed skin  & clutched the bedsheet tightly, not knowing what to. Jeno have a  squeeze to their clasped hands before leaving countless kisses all over the exposed area.  He felt the boy squirm under him, he felt the boy's growing need. 

& he stopped.

Jeno leaned back leaving the boy on the bed in a mess. Jaemin looked beautiful like this. His white school shirt falling over his shoulder, smooth golden skin in red hue, his neck flushed in bright pink. Jaemin looked so fucking pretty with his lips parted as he tried to even out his rough breathing, his cheeks dusted in cherry red & his eyes.....

Jeno was in love with his eyes. 

His pretty doe eyes were hazy, filled with unknown desire as they lazily darted everywhere trying find Jeno. Jeno found it breathtakingly beautiful, how long Jaemin's eyelashes were, how  they fanned over his cheekbones with every lazy blink of Jaemin's eyes.

Jaemin was a sweet  mess . Jaemin was his mess. 

Jeno  suddenly got an urge to kiss those pretty pink  lips. He wanted to know how they  would taste. He wanted to change the pretty pink to a bright cherry red. He  wanted to do so much to boy,  that just thinking about them made Jeno's mind hazy with desire.

But he left it for some another time.

J aemin was still lying  without moving  even  a bit , still dazed because  of the previous act.  His hands were still on the places where they were before as Jeno  slowly buttoned the shirt with a smile on his lips.  Jeno found it amusing, how some kisses could make a mess of his pretty boy.

Jeno slowly moved away from the dazed boy whose eyes were fluttering close already,  _ exhausted.  _ Jeno simply lay down beside the boy & watched the boy slowly losing himself in the dreamland.

Jeno watched the boy's breathing even out  as he his heart beat erratically inside his ribcage. As much as he wanted to take all of the boy at that moment, he also found a blooming satisfaction in his heart. It got his heart feel weird, he felt his heart was full just by watching the boy sleep. He wanted to touch the blind boy's  face, he wanted to feel the smooth  skin under his finger pads once again, but at the same time he didn't want to wake the boy up. He looked so pretty & peaceful, it made Jeno think he could spend forever watching the boy sleep.

& exactly that moment  a realization dawned upon Jeno. He realized he didn't want to see the boy suffer anymore, nor he wanted to see the boy in pain. He would rather see the boy smiling because of him, than crying out of fear. He wanted to see those visionless eyes sparkle  every time Jeno would give him candies  or his favourite ice cream. He wanted to see the boy  blushing more because of him. He wanted to see the boy out of breath because Jeno's kisses were too much for him to handle. Jeno wanted the boy to bare his soul to him.

& for the first time Jeno wanted to bare his soul to the boy too.  He wanted the boy to feel the same as him.

That night Jeno realized that,

He, Lee Jeno.....was in love with Na Jaemin.


	6. Missing Girl pt.1 [TW]

**_ 21 _ ** **_ st _ ** **_ September, 2016 _ **

“Did you hear?!”

“What?”

“ Kim Yuna from 2 nd year went missing ! I heard they found a lot  of  blood in her room! Do you think she’s dead?! ”

Jaemin felt nausea hitting him with full force. He felt his stomach  was pushing  up  the fruits he ate  during the tiffin period. He clamped his hand on his mouth as he tried to take deep breaths. 

Kim Yuna. Why her?!

**_ 3 days  _ ** **_ ago _ ** **_.... _ **

_ “Na Jaemin?” _

_ Jaemin's ears perked up hearing his name from behind. He cautiously turn _ _ ed  _ _ back hoping  _ _ he was now facing the girl. _

_ “ _ _ uh _ _... Hello?” _

_ Jaemin  _ _ replied with a small confused smile. It wasn’t everyday  _ _ when someone comes looking for him.  _ _ He wondered  _ _ why a girl came looking for him  _

_ “Do you think you look good?” _

_ “I’m sorry?” _

_ “You’re blind... But still won't stop seducing people now will you. _ _ ” The girl snickered making a few people around them laugh. _

_ When did he seduce people?  _ _ What was she talking about? _

_ “I think you made a mistake. I didn’t do anything like that.”  _ _ Jaemin took a step back, hand  _ _ trying to find anything _ _ that might be _ _ on his way. _

_ & they laughed. At Jaemin. Suddenly someone  _ _ pushed him making him stumble back. _ _ Jaemin felt scared. He couldn't understand what was happening. _

_ “ _ _ You _ _ pathetic little bitch!  _ _ Because of you my cousin died! Because of you  _ _ my boyfriend broke up with me! _ _ Blind but still whoring around with other people's boyfriends!” _

_ She aggressively pushed Jaemin, making him fall on the tiled floor. Jaemin felt tears pricking his eyes  _ _ from the pain & baseless accusations. He heard noises coming from students from every direction. They were talking about him. They were laughing at him being bullied. _ __

_ Jaemin blindly searched for the book _ _ on the floor, _ _ that fell from his hand a  _ _ few seconds ago.  _

_ “Look at him!”  _

_ The girl laughed again making a fee more people  _ _ join her. Jaemin felt like crying. He never asked anyone to be killed, he never  _ _ seduced anyone! Why were they being so delusional?! _

_ “ _ _ I donno what happened, but I donno what boyfriend you are talking about. I don't even talk with people! _ _ ” Jaemin tried to make the girl understand but he only got a hard stomp on his hand in reply _ _.  _

_ Jaemin cried out loudly.  _ _ He tried to remove the  _ _ foot from his hand but the only pushed more _ _ making his pain double. _

_ “ _ _ Fuck! Yuna! Get away from him!” _

_ Suddenly Jaemin's bruised hand was free. Jaemin cradled the bruised hand with his  _ _ other _ _ hand _ _ over his chest as fat tears rolled down from his face. _

_ “I donno what your problem is Yuna. But I don't want you around him anymore! _ _ ” _

_ “ _ _ YOU- This is all his fault! He took you away from me!” _

_ “HE DIDN'T! I NEVER LIKED YOU THAT'S WHY I BROKE UP _ _ WITH YOU _ _! JUST BECAUSE U MISS YOUR COUSIN DOESN'T  _ _ ALLOW _ _ YOU TO BLAME THE POOR BOY _ _! IT WAS YOUR COUSIN'S FAULT TO ATTACK JAEMIN! STOP BLAMING THE POO _ _ R  _ _ BOY FOR EVERYTHING!” _

_ Jaemin heard the girl screaming something  _ _ as she left them. The one who helped him barking  _ _ at other students to scram away. _

_ Jaemin cried hard that night _ _.  _ _ Cried because he was blind. Cried because he was  _ _ defenceless _ _.  _ _ Everything would have been okay if Jaemin wasn't blind _ _....or _ _ best if he wasn't living at all. _

_ He was glad he wasn't with Dotori that night. May be his mom had done a good thing by  _ _ setting a curfew for him. He didn’t want the other see him like this. He  _ _ didn’t even want to imagine Dotori’s reaction knowing what went down. _

But now Jaemin felt scared. What if it was Dotori?!  He felt Renjun grab his hand asking if Jaemin was okay.  Jaemin just nodded before he  rested his head on the bench trying to even out his breathing.

Jaemin wasn’t okay.  Nothing was okay.

“W-was  it y-you?”

Jeno stared at Jaemin as the younger kept fidgeting on his spot. Jaemin looked nervous & worried, eyes darting in front of him aimlessly. 

Jeno got up from his place & silently walked toward Jaemin, who was sitting on his bed, waiting for an answer.  Jeno stopped in front of him, eyes automatically landing on Jaemin's bruised hand.

_ “I-I fell on m-my way back h-home _ _!” _

Jeno wanted to scoff at that. Jaemin wasn't good at lying. But still he tried. He lied to Jeno. Jeno softly held Jaemin's bruised hand making the  blind boy flinch. Jeno caressed the bruised knuckler softly, mot wanting to hurt the other. & Jaemin on the other hand was gulping due to overthinking & excess nervousness.

“D-did you...k-kill Y-Yuna?”

A small smile bloomed on Jeno's lips on that question.  He  wanted to ask Jaemin, why did he think that his dotori killed the missing girl? But Jeno didn't ask him. Knowing Jaemin, he'd most probably get scared again & Jeno didn't want that. 

Jeno placed a  soft kiss on Jaemin's temple, before slowly trailing down his lips to Jaemin's. He captured Jaemin’s lips in a soft kiss, both hands now  cupping Jaemin’s face. He slowly sucked the pretty pink lips of  the boy, making Jaemin melt against his  hands. Jeno brushed his tongue on the other's lips, silently asking the other for entrance & Jaemin immediately parted his lips. Jeno didn't wait as he thrusted his tongue inside Jaemin's mouth, exploring every  corner slowly . Jeno felt the other boy let out breathy moan as he sucked Jaemin's tongue  in his mouth. It felt dirty, but good dirty.

Jeno  tilted other's head to a side to have better access inside his mouth.  Jaemin was breathing heavily  already, clutching  Jeno's shirt tightly with both hands. Jeno pushed the boy on his back as  he  lazily climbed over  Jaemin without breaking the kiss.

Jeno kissed Jaemin with passion while his hands roamed lazily on Jaemin's body. He sneaked his hands under Jaemin's shirt feeling the boy shivering under his touch. Jaemin's skin was soft & smooth under Jeno's palms.  Jeno likef how  Jaemin's cold skin burned under his touch, how his breath would hitch when  Jeno’s hands brushed against his sensitive parts. Jeno loved when  Jaemin's nails dug on his shoulders over the shirt,  every time Jeno purposely  rubbed the area near his nipples.

“P-please...s-stop...”

Jeno's hand automatically stopped as soon as  Jaemin muttered out the words in between the kiss. Jeno leaned back, sitting straight on his knees. Jaemin was panting. His hair was messed up, pointing at every possible direction. Eyes were hazy, cheeks dusted in cherry red, lips were swollen  & glossy .

“Y-you... Didn't answer ..... was it you? ”

_ What if I say yes baby? _

“Did....did you kill her .....? ”

Jaemin looked scared, nervous, worried. As much as Jeno wanted to laugh at how adorable other was looking like this he knew Jaemin wanted an answer.  Jeno observed the disheveled male under him for a moment before slowly dragging his fingers on Jaemin's exposed stomach. He smiled how Jaemin's  muscles reacted  under his touch as he drew two  letters in  Jaemin's flat stomach.

** NO **

Jaemin's eyes automatically closed as a sigh  o f relief escaped his lips.

“God....I-I was so worried ...I thought - ....I’m so sorry... ”

Jeno felt his heart warming inside his chest as a drop of tear escaped  Jaemin's eyes, guilty for  accusing his dotori. Jeno leaned  down & pressed a small kiss on Jaemin's temple, to say it was okay, he wasn't upset. But  Jaemin still cried holding his dotori close to him, while  muttering countless of  sorry. & Jeno in return, cuddled the crying boy in his chest as he showered countless kisses on the crown of Jaemin's head. 

Jeno stared at the tear-stricken face of the younger, who was now sleeping peacefully on Jeno's arm . It hurt, but Jeno could careless when he could see the sleeping beauty from this close. He softly wiped the tear stains with the thumb of his free hand before cupping Jaemin's face.  He wondered, what would have been Jaemin's reaction ....if Jeno had  written ‘Yes’ instead of ‘No’. What would Jaemin do if Jeno had written the whole line instead of a single word on Jaemin's stomach?

What if Jaemin knew that there were two more words that came after ‘ No’?

What if Jaemin knew, that Jeno wanted to say....

**_ No.... _ ** **_ Not yet... _ **


	7. Missing Girl pt.2 [TW]

_**22nd September, 2016** _

_**11:25pm** _

‘Uhhmmmmmm! Ugghhhmmm!”

Jeno looked up  from the table to the source of noise with a blank expression.

The girl was trying to talk & Jeno suddenly felt  generous .  Jeno got up from his seat & slowly walked over to the  tied up girl in the corner of his room.

Exactly.  Kim Yuna was tied up with a steel chair inside Jeno's own room, in his own house. Jeno wasn’t afraid of anyone, or anything & the bloodied body of the girl in corner of his room was the biggest proof of that.

Jeno walked over to the crying girl before pulling a short tool in front of her & sat there with a sigh escaping his lips.

“I’m gonna remove the tape. But...you better behave if you don't wanna  lose your other fingers.”

The girl violently nodded  in acceptance making Jeno raise an eyebrow at that. He  tore away the duct tape from Yuna's mouth making her  scream in pain. But Jeno was fast to clamp his  hands on other's mouth, making all the screams muffled out in his palm.

“I thought I told you to keep quiet?”

Yuna's eyes went wide with fear as she  tried to  sh ake h er head violently again trying to day something, buy couldn’t because of Jeno’s hand  on her mouth.

“Fine....I'll give you chance....”

Jeno suddenly spoke up, making Yuna's  eyes go wide with hope.

“ Tell me anything ....anything that can change my mind. Anything that can make me happier more than I am now....”

With that Jeno removed his hand making  the girl take a few deep  breath to regulate her breathing before she started rambling.

“uh- what...what do I s-say what to I....Yes! Jaemin! Right! Jaemin! H-he is a g-good kid! H-he ..... He's pretty! Prettier than m-me!  H-his smile  i -is pretty too! Uh ..... He's...he's....y-yeah! He's p-pretty s-mart too! Y-know m-many p-people l-likes h-him!  M-many pe-mmphhh!! Ummmpphhhhhgggg!”

Yuna really had a bad luck. Out of all the things she could say, she decided to call Jeno’s  Jaemin pretty. The audacity of this girl!

  
  


Yuna was so indulged in what to say, how to get out of this hellhole that she didn't notice the way Jeno's eyes darkened with every  time Yuna took Jaemin's name on her lips. Jeno held it well, until Yuna mentioned there were other people who liked Jaemin. Jeno's mind short  circuited at that moment.

Jaemin was his. Only he could  talk about Jaemin like that. Only he could  like Jaemin like that.

Annoyed, Jeno suddenly grabbed Yuna's jaw before forcefully pushing  a piece cloth inside her mouth so that she couldn’t  make another sound.  Jeno started to look for something in his room like a madman. Yuna's eyes were wide with fear at how Jeno's jaws clenched tight, how his hands shook out of anger as he made a mess in his room.

Yuna stared with her wide-scared-t eary  eyes how Jeno lost his control. Suddenly Jeno ran out of room, making Yuna close her eyes in relief, tears running down cheeks. But the relief  was short lived, when suddenly Jeno grabbed her jaw painfully tight with one hand, & the other was using  it's fingers to push the cloth inside her mouth further down her throat. Yuna  felt like throwing up as she thrashed around Jeno’s old, tears  running down her face like waterfall. She felt her throat burn from the roughly pushed down cloth on her throat. She could barely  barely breath like this. She tried to beg to Jeno, but cried more when she couldn't even make a small sound out from her lips due to the cloth inside her throat.

“ Science says if you bite down hard on something you can endure extream amount of pain at once. ”

Jeno monotonously said as he placed a rubber tube between  the  girl's teeth . He let out a small chuckle  as he saw Yuna trying to shake her head out of his  hand, crying . Her chest was heaving due to the nonstop crying & breathing problem. Jeno felt a jolt of adrenaline rush inside his body. He could feel the excitement running wild in his mind.

Jeno walked out of the room again leaving Yuna on her chair. A few minutes later he came back, with a smile adoring his face.  Anyone would be in awe if they saw Lee Jeno smile. Why? Because it looked real pretty when he smiled & his almond eyes would turn into two small crescent moons. He looked absolute angel  like that, until they knew about what made him smile like that.

Horrifying. That's what everything looked in Yuna's eye when Lee Jeno stepped inside the room smiling cutely while holding a kitchen knife. Yuna violently  shook on her spot, fat tears rolling down from her eyes , pleading Jeno with her eyes to let her go, to let her live.

But Jeno only smiled at her as if he couldn’t see her crying, didn't know what she was asking for. Jeno sat cross legged  on the floor in front of her before slowly untying one of her already bruised legs.

Yuna tried move away her leg by kicking Jeno, but didn’t work. Jeno was much  more stronger than her.

“Be a good girl Yuna-sshi. I'll make it less painful.”

Jeno softly said before observing  the  digits of her left leg one by one, deciding  which one to start from. & finally grinned holding the pinky toe with  his thumb & index.

“Let's start with the little one Yuna -ssi ! Then we can move onto your tongue!”

Yuna felt her soul leaving her body, & Jeno was only halfway through the  2 nd toe.  She felt every single slice of the knife  directly on her brain, slowly numbing the nerve systems & her heart. Her screams were  all struck on her throat while the room filled with Jeno’s soft chuckles. Yuna thought, maybe death was better than this.

Jeno softly brushed his bloody thumb on Jaemin's cheek who was sleeping peacefully inside his room. Jeno once again sneaked inside the Na house, to see  **_ his Jaemin. _ ** Jeno stared at the sleeping boy in awe, as the red of the blood complimented Jaemin's golden skin unlike any other colour. In  Jeno's eyes Jaemin looked pretty, too pretty.

Jeno wanted to see Jaemin in red more.

He smothered the thick red liquid in Jaemin's exposed collarbone  making the boy shiver under his touch. Jaemin slightly moved in his sleep making Jeno freeze on his spot, hand slightly above Jaemin's skin, hanging on the air, waiting for Jaemin to fall back in deep sleep.

When he was sure Jaemin was asleep again, Jeno let the back of his finger trace the outline of he sleepy boy's face  like a feather, leaving a faint trail of  blood on Jaemin's face.

His baby looked pretty in red. Too pretty.


	8. A New Entry

_**19** **th** **October, 2016** _

“I donno what to do!” 

Renjun whined loudly making Jaemin laugh in response. It wasn’t every day Huang Renjun would act like this: confused because of his feelings. Well, Jaemin's best friend had a crush & now whining complaining he didn’t know how to act around his crush. 

“Nana! I swear I'm gonna beat you up someday! Why you laughing at-” 

“Nana! Good morning!” 

Suddenly a cheery voice interrupted Renjun, making Renjun hiss a small “shit!” & Jaemin smile wide at that. He soon turned his head on his left where the voice came from & greeted back with a bright smile of his own. 

“Lucas hyung! Good morning!” 

Wong Yukhei. 

Also known as Lucas, from 2nd year & the sole reason of Renjun's endless whines. 

They first met on 18th September, the day Kim Yuna bullied Jaemin in the school corridor. Lucas was the so called “Ex” of Yuna, for whom Yuna went off on Jaemin. It was actually Lucas who helped Jaemin & told Yuna & her friends off before taking a trembling Jaemin to the infirmary to treat his bruised hand. & it wasn’t long before Renjun barged inside the white room with a worried frown & hot temper ready to go down on anyone who hurt Jaemin. It was awkward because Renjun was going off on the poor senior saying how he couldn’t handle his ex, & Lucas being a stuttering mess because an angry Renjun was never a person anyone would like to deal with. 

At least that's what Jaemin thought. 

Because soon Jaemin noticed how Lucas would always stutter & soft spoken around Renjun, how he would look for Renjun when he would find Jaemin alone in the school. It was too obvious that Lucas liked Renjun & one day Jaemin actually confronted him after 2 weeks of Kim Yuna’s mysterious disappearance. when Renjun wasn’t around. 

Jaemin thought Lucas would try to deny it, but no. Lucas actually laughed out when Jaemin asked him, saying he was too obvious for anyone not to notice. That day Jaemin found out that Lucas had been crushing on his friend from the beginning of the year, but was worried about coming out as bi or gay to others, also he had a bimbo in name of a girl friend. So he decided to admire Renjun from afar. But it wasn’t enough. With passing days his feelings for Renjun grew making him decide to come out to his parents & friends first, then breaking up with Yuna to pursue Renjun. Lucas even apologized profusely that day for Yuna's behavior, making Jaemin confused for a while. But then Lucas told him that he would often stare at Renjun from afar. & because Jaemin & Renjun were together 90% time, Yuna mistook Lucas's new crush as Jaemin. Yuna already had lost his close cousin on the murder of 4 kids in the beginning of the year, where Jaemin was involved too. Even though Jaemin was just a victim, it made Yuna mad that he lost both his cousin & boyfriend because of Jaemin. 

Jaemin felt sad & guilty for many reasons, but he kept quiet & listened to Lucas rambling about Renjun like an excited puppy. Jaemin then wondered how Renjun would react to this. 

& now, after a month Renjun himself told Jaemin about his not so little crush on the 2nd year boy. He could hear Renjun grumbling something as the chair beside Jaemin was pulled out & a hand ruffled his hair, making Jaemin whine a bit. 

“Lucas hyung…! Don't do that!” 

Lucas chuckled as Jaemin heard him finally sitting beside Jaemin. 

“Good morning Renjun..” 

“……Good morning….” 

Jaemin wanted to laugh so bad at the situation because both Renjun & Lucas were being so dumb right now. 

Lucas had always been obvious about his feelings for Renjun, but Renjun was being too overwhelmed by his own feelings, failed to notice that. & Lucas; the giant dumb puppy failed to notice that Renjun was now acting like how he acted in the first few weeks in font of Renjun. 

“Hyung?” 

“Yes Nana?” 

“Why don't you ruffle Injun's hair like mine too? I think he'll like it more than me!” 

As soon as Jaemin was done talking Lucas started cough violently choking on his energy drink & Renjun kicked Jaemin's shin under the table to make Jaemin shut. 

“Nana, I don't like to be petted in my head.” 

Jaemin feigned a surprised look as his hands blindly reached for Renjun's hand & held it softly when he found it. 

“But- you asked a few days ago that why Lucas hyung only pets my head Injun!” 

Silence. 

“Na Jaemin if you don't stop rig-” 

Silence. 

“Uh… Renjun?” 

Jaemin got confused why Renjun suddenly went silent, as well as Lucas. He squeezed Renjun’s hand softly, but still no movement, now word out of his best friend's mouth. 

“I think….. I broke your best friend.” 

Lucas suddenly whispered by Jaemin's side making Jaemin flinch a bit. Confused turned his body toward Lucas a bit. 

“Huh? What do you mean?” 

“I kinda got up &…uhm… ruffled Renjun's hair when he was talking….& now….” 

“& now what?!” 

“He's just sitting on opposite side with a cute red face, staring directly at his food.’ 

Jaemin could hear the smile & amusement in Lucas voice, & he himself couldn’t stop the grin that spread across his lips at that moment. Lucas finally noticed Renjun's behavior. Now it was time to let Lucas flirt shamelessly with a shy Renjun. 

So without any context or a word after Lucas, Jaemin stood up startling both a grinning Lucas & a shy Renjun. 

“I need to go to washroom!” 

“I-I'll c-come with you!” 

Jaemin heard Renjun stuttering as he was packing his lunch hurriedly. Well, Jaemin wasn’t gonna let Renjun leave with him now. 

“I can go on my own Injun…. I already know the step count! 7 to the corridor from here, then 10 to the left & finally 8 to the right!” 

“B-but…” 

“Bye Lucas hyung… Injun I’ll see you in the class!” 

Without letting the other two saying anything else Jaemin turned back on his heels counting his steps toward the corridor. He was almost half way to the corridor when his phone vibrated in his pocket. Jaemin stopped on his track & pulled out his phone. 

“Open the message” 

Just as he navigated a machinery voice soon filled the empty corridor. 

“From Lucas hyung. Thanks Nana! I owe you one!” 

Jaemin chuckled as he pocketed the phone hoping the other two would finally talk about their feelings. & thinking of feelings, Jaemin remembered about his dotori. A shy smile stretched on his lips as he took another step forward, but then stopped immediately. 

He forgot the step count. 

Panicking he tried to go to the wall on his right, hoping not to bump on someone bump or crush on someone. But unfortunately he did. 

“God! Watch where you're going!” 

A female voice spoke up, clearly annoyed making Jaemin gulp & stumble back with a small sorry. 

“I think you should watch where you're going instead of staring at you phone while walking.” 

A third voice suddenly spoke up from behind Jaemin making him flinch. 

“If you did that then you would've known that he's blind, he actually can't “watch” where he's going.” 

An unknown person defended Jaemin with a calm but serious voice, making the girl stutter an apology before she left the two alone in the corridor. 

“T-thank you…” 

“It’s okay… Do you need help? No I think u need one… Let me bring you to your class. So…uhm.. Can I hold your hand? I donno how else to..” 

The voice trailed off leaving Jaemin in a turmoil. He was hesitating to accept the help because he didn’t know who it was, then again the person just helped him out, he couldn’t be that bad, right? 

“Uh…I..Is it okay if we….hold then ends of my pencil? I'm n-not-” 

A soft chuckle float inside Jaemin's ears stopping him from continuing further. Jaemin turned a shade of pink, well he wasn't sure what pink looked like but he knew the temperature of his face suddenly increased at that. 

“Of course… If that makes you comfortable…” 

It was a sight to see. 

One walking ahead holding an end of a pencil while another walked behind him while holding the other end of the pencil. 

The walk was slow & careful as Jaemin told where his class was & the other made sure to narrate what they passed by or when to turn left or right. Jaemin could hear multiple gasps & not so hushed whispers with his name. 

“Ignore them… They don't have any better job to do.” 

& Jaemin tried to do as the other said. 

“…..Why was the pres doing with you here?” 

Renjun’s question caught Jaemin off guard. He slowly sat in his seat with help of Renjun with a confused frown. 

“Pres?” 

“Yeah… That was our SC president Nana. He didn’t tell you?” 

Now Jaemin realized why others were whispering about him om his way to the classroom. 

“Uh.. No… I actually forgot mu step count & bumped on someone in the corridor.. He was there too.. & helped me coming back to the class.” 

“WAIT- YOU BUMPED ON SOMEONE?! SEE I TOLD YOU THAT I SHOULD GO WITH YOU THEN! BUT NO! YOU LEFT ME WITH YUKHEI HYUNG!” 

Jaemin's brows went up at that. Yukhei hyung? A teasing grin spread across his face as he wiggled his eyebrows. 

“Yukhei hyung? Huh Injuniieee???” 

“Oh my God! Jaemin stop!” 

Renjun whined again slapping Jaemin’s arm on the process making Jaemin laugh. 

“Well at least you got to talk with your “Yukhei hyung” for a while right? Btw! What did he say!?” 

Jaemin asked excitedly, eager to listen what the other two talked about. 

“Nothing… that….That idiot was shamelessly flirting with me! I donno what happened to him, but he was suddenly a different person, way too confident with his flirting!” 

Renjun whisper yelled, still flustered over the small flirting Lucas did with him a while ago. 

Suddenly a whisper caught both of their attention. It was coming from behind them. 

“Wait…you mean the blind boy?! Pres was here with him?” 

“Yeah…. First was Lucas hyung, now the pres!” 

Jaemin's grip on his pencil tightened as he kept listening to the girls behind him labeling him as a seducer once again. His eyes were stinging with unshed tears when suddenly Renjun turned back going off on the girls, & making sure that others heard him too. & soon all the gossips went down as Renjun finally turned back toward Jaemin. 

“Ignore them Nana… Besides they are gonna get it if Pres hears about it. I heard he's quiet strict & wouldn’t really tolerate this kind of shits” 

Renjun's word did bring a bit comfort to Jaemin, who just nodded a bit. Then suddenly he remembered that he didn’t actually thanked the pres for helping him to his class due to the worry of other people's words. 

“Injun?” 

“Yeah…” 

“What’s the name of our pres?” 

“SC pres? Wait- he didn’t even tell u that? & u dumbass didn’t ask him that before accepting his help?!” 

“Uh…no?” 

“God…. Jaemin, don't just go with anyone without at least asking their name. 

Any way, His name is Lee Jeno, from 3rd year & I heard he's really smart.” 

Lee Jeno. 

Jaemin made a mental note to thank Jeno if he meet the latter again someday. Which was very normal as both of them were in the same school after all. 

Jeno stared outside from the window of SC room as the scene from earlier played inside his head. It felt good…. No amazing to finally talk with Jaemin. He remembered the way Jaemin held out his pencil in front of Jeno, hoping Jeno would grab the other end. 

_Cute_. 

His boy was too cute even cuter when he walked behind Jeno like a lost puppy. He remembered how the people were gossiping seeing them walking like that. Jeno wouldn’t deny that it felt good, too good that people saw them together. 

Jeno wanted it to happen more. He wanted people to see that Jaemin belonged to him. He wanted them to know that it was only him who could be with Jaemin. 

But he didn’t know how to make that happen. He didn’t know how to become Jeno from Dotori in Jaemin's life. 

But he would find out a way soon. 


	9. Misfortune

_**12** **th** **November, 2016** _

“What do you think you are doing?!” 

Jaemin flinched at his mom's cold voice. He didn’t know what happened or what he did to make his mom angry. So his mom suddenly barging inside his room at 8am of the morning was only making Jaemin confused & nervous. 

“M-me?” 

“Yes you! Who was it?!” 

At that Jaemin froze on his spot, hands automatically clutching the bed sheet hidden under the blanket. He felt himself sweating already as silence enveloped the cold room. 

“I asked who was it? Who was the boy with you here last night?!” 

Jaemin flinched again, breath quickening as the thickness of the air around him got heavier with each seconds. What would he do? What would he say? What if his mom had seen dotori?! What if she found out who dotori was?! What if she would call the police then?! 

He didn’t know what to say. 

“W-who?” Jaemin gulped down the saliva, as the lies started to skip through his teeth continuously. “I don't understand… what you are saying mom.” 

“Liar! I saw with my own eyes! A boy climbed down the window of your room! & still you dare to lie to me!” 

“Mom….I..I really donno-“ 

Jaemin couldn’t even finish the sentence when suddenly he was harshly yanked up from the bed by a tight grip on his wrist. & the next thing he knew that he was on the cold tiled floor, with his knees banging hardly on them. Jaemin yelped in pain from his knees. His eyes wide with shock & fear, tears on the edge of his eye rims, lips wobbling with panic. 

Jaemin's visionless eyes started to dart everywhere as his hands blindly tried to feel anything around him, when he mom's angry voice filled his ears again. 

“You traitor! I've been feeding you, I spent my years & money raising you instead of leaving you in some orphanage & now you are here lying to me?! Bringing boys home?!” 

Jaemin's mom had always been cold to Jaemin, due to Jaemin's inability. But Jaemin never had her this harsh. All this time Jaemin thought may be there was a bit love hidden inside his mom's heart for him, otherwise she wouldn’t do all these things to provide him a better life with proper education to help him settle himself in future with something. But today… today she was talking as if Jaemin was just a charity case to her. As if she never did all these on her own will, as if Jaemin was a just a duty she never wanted. 

“I already hear shits for YOU BIENG BLIND! My company is going out of my hands because I don't have a capable heir! & now! You are degrading my name more by bringing random boys in this house!? May be that's why those boys tried to have their ways with you back then!” 

Big fat tears were rolling down his eyes as Jaemin slowly crawled back until his back hit the wall. He pulled up his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them tightly as his he hid his crying face behind them. 

His mom was still shouting, screaming how he never wanted someone like Jaemin, how Jaemin had ruined her life & now was bent on ruining her reputation, her business. Each word pierced Jaemin's heart like a knife, as his mind registered it well that he was unwanted, that he was just a burden to the people around him. 

But was it really his fault? Was he really the one to be blamed for something that he couldn’t fix? He admitted that he lied. He admitted it was wrong to let someone in without his mom's permission. But it was just one person, & his mom was accusing him of bringing “boys” here. What did his mom think of him? Someone who liked to had sex with numerous random people? Did his mom really thought of him like that? 

An ugly sob ripped though his throat as his body shook violently, tears soaking the soft fabric of his pajama as he sobbed like a child, trying to wash away the pain with his tears. 

Did Renjun feel like this too? Did Lucas thought of him like that too? What about his dotori? Would he grow tired of Jaemin too someday? What if one day they would wake up & realize that they didn’t need Jaemin in their life anymore? What if they realize Jaemin was just a burden who couldn’t do a single thing on his own? What if all of them would walk away from him like his mom just did, closing the door with a loud bang. 

Jaemin didn’t know what was louder, the door closing or his heart shattering into pieces. From the childhood to now, Jaemin hoped for a day when his mom would hug him & say at least once that she loved him. But he realized that day was never gonna come. Jaemin wasn’t that lucky. 

He didn’t go to school that day, ignored all the calls & messages from Renjun & Lucas. He didn’t know how long he cried in that corner. He fell asleep like that in the middle of crying his eyes out. It was around almost 2pm when he felt a light tap on his shoulder, waking him up softly. 

“Jaemin?…. Jaemin-ah…wake up…” 

Jaemin finally woke up at the familiar voice of his former caretaker, Mrs. Kang. He heard her gasp as soon as he looked up with his tear stained face, & heavy eyes. 

“Oh my God! Jaemin what happened to you?! God! Why were you crying like this?!” 

Soon Jaemin felt a pair of hands on his face, trying to wipe the dried tear stains off. Jaemin once again felt vulnerable at that moment & fresh tears once again started to fall from his doe eyes as a small sob broke out again. 

“Oh my- don't cry Jaemin-ah! It's okay… you are okay now…I’m here baby…” 

Jaemin felt himself pulled on a tight embrace as Mrs. Kang patted his head with one hand & holding him tight with other. Jaemin hid his face on her shoulder both arms encircled around her as he broke down again. 

Mrs. Kang had been with him since he was 5. She was appointed to take care of Jaemin just after his father died. Since then she had been playing the role of Jaemin’s mom, when his real mom was out there drowning herself in work after taking over the business. Whenever anybody saw Jaemin & Mrs. Kang together, they used to think that they were family; they were that close. Jaemin's every small childish requests, his every cute little secrets, every reason behind his sadness, Mrs. Kang knew them all. Mrs. Kang loved him like her own son. 

But like every good thing, this had also came to an end when Mrs. Kang's husband died in cancer & she had to move away. Her new place was hours away from here, to a different city. It was the middle of 2nd year in middle school when Mrs. Kang left the job, but with a promise to visit Jaemin often. Jaemin remembered crying like a child who lost his mom in the crowd that day. Renjun hugged him all the time as he also shed tears seeing his best friend crying like this. 

It took time for Jaemin to get accustomed around the house without Mrs. Kang. But he tried since his mom didn’t bother to get a new caretaker for him. As days went by. Jaemin got more & more good at managing his stuffs alone. He leant to cook with the help of their chef. Slowly Jaemin became good at keeping himself alive alone. 

Mrs. Kang, as she promised did visited Jaemin again after 6 months & then again when Jaemin graduated from middle school. & now again after 11 months when Jaemin needed her the most. Jaemin didn’t know why she came suddenly, not that he cared about the reason anyway. He was happy to have her when he felt like drowning. 

Mrs. Kang made sure to call back Renjun & let him know that Jaemin was sick before she pulled the devastated boy to get him a warm bath. Jaemin felt himself relax as Mrs. Kang's aged fingers danced inside the mop of his foamed hair. Mrs. Kang cooed at how cute Jaemin looked while drying his hair with a soft towel as Jaemin silently sat on the bed cross-legged. & the first time Jaemin smiled that day when the familiar scent of his favorite bibimbap & seaweed soup entered his nostrils. It was a cute sight to see Mrs. Kang feeling Jaemin like a baby & Jaemin eating like one. 

They looked like a pair of mother & son. & Jaemin for a moment forgot about his real mom. 

Jaemin stirred awake when he felt something caressing his cheek. Eyes slowly fluttering open in confusion. 

Jeno felt his heart going warm as he saw Jaemin's eyes fluttering open. 

“Dotori…?” 

Jaemin asked in a soft voice, eyes hazy with lingering sleep & voice still a bit hoarse from all those crying. Jeno leaned down & pressed a small kiss on the sleepy boy's temple making a small smile etch on Jaemin's face. Jaemin slowly shuffled back to the center of the bed making room for Dotori beside him. Jeno's eyes curled into half moons as a fond grin spread on his lips at the scene in front of him. He took off the jacket & carefully slipped beside Jaemin before pulling the sleepy boy flush against his chest. Jeno settled Jaemin’s head under his chin & as Jaemin curled his hands in between his & Jeno's chest. & soon Jeno felt Jaemin losing himself in the dreamland as he relished the feeling of his boy in his embrace. 

Jeno had been on the edge the whole day. Not seeing Jaemin on his usual place in the back garden made Jeno go looking for Renjun. He made an excuse that he heard some rumors spiraling around the students about him & Jaemin from last day, so he came to apologize if that made Jaemin uncomfortable in any way. Then Renjun told him that Jaemin called in sick, making Jeno's worry increase more knowing the boy most of the time lived alone, minus the chef & the housekeeper. 

He had been lurking around the Na resident for hours after school. He saw an old car in front of the house & decided to wait for the owner to leave fist. But then saw Renjun & Lucas appearing all of a sudden in front of the house & a lady around her 40 opening the door for them. It was around 10 when Renjun & Lucas left, & the lady left on her car around 11:30. After waiting for an hour more finally Jeno sneaked inside the house, to Jaemin's room only to find the boy sleeping with slightly heavy eyes. 

It was clear as day that Jaemin had cried earlier with his swelled eyelids & Jeno didn’t like it a bit. The sparks of anger was there & now all he needed was a name to lit it up completely. But that could wait until Jaemin was feeling better & slept off whatever was bothering him. 

Jeno felt the boy in his arms snuggle closer to him more & softly clutched the fabric of Jeno's shirt with his hands. & suddenly Jeno felt his heart beating faster than usual. Jeno felt like he could hear his heart beating in his ear. He wondered if it was really that loud? 

He tried to move away a bit, not wanting to wake up the sleeping boy with his dumb heart beating so loud. But in vain, when Jaemin felt the movement & just tightened his grip on Jeno's shirt more before snuggling on Jeno's chest one again. 

A soft chuckle left Jeno's lips, eyes closed in crescents. He couldn’t believe it. Jeno had been more intimate with the boy, kissed the hell out him until he couldn’t stand anymore, saw Jaemin half-naked sprawled under him with dazed & lustful eyes making adrenaline work up Jeno's heart with Jaemin's every expression & every single sound he made. 

& now, his dumb heart just started to beat out of nowhere just because Jaemin snuggled close to him. Jaemin made him feel so many things, gave him the firsthand experience of so many emotions that Jeno didn’t even knew that they existed. Jeno now learnt to smile, a genuine one. He had learnt to see the world in different colors other than shades of grey & white. Jaemin had given him a world with where only two of them lived. 

A world of love, that Jeno didn’t know that he needed, he craved for. 

He was thankful. Thankful to Jaemin for filling up his empty heart a bit by bit. 

& slowly with the love secured in his heart, Jeno fell asleep with the boy he loved in his arms. 

….Failing to notice a pair of eyes looking at them from the crack of the door of Jaemin's room. 


	10. Do you like him?

_ **1st December, 2016** _

  


"You seem nervous"

Jaemin flinched at the sudden intrusion. Confused & a bit worried he stopped the recorder, trying to recognize the voice.

"Sorry. Did I startle you?"

The voice was soft & airy just like previous times.  Jaemin wondered how other students say mean things like " _ he's so cold"  _ to this person.

"It's okay  Jeno hyung !"

Jaemin replied with a smile before he patted the empty space beside him offering the other to sit, which  Jeno took gladly.

Recently it was normal to see  Jaemin & Jeno together. Somehow both of them would run into each other & Jeno would start a small conversation every time even though he had a busy schedule.  Renjun would say that the  stuco president liked  Jaemij , but  Jaemin would say  Jeno was just being friendly.

  


"I actually heard some rumors about…..us again"  Jeno chuckled softly, "I came to find you for that. I'm sorry for these troubles."

" Hyung it wasn't your fault though. Besides I think I am a celebrity now. They keep assuming shits about my life like  allkpop nowadays! Wait- did you place an appointment beforehand? You know it's not that easy to meet with me!"  Jaemin laughed out loud at the end making the other laugh at his humor.

"Well  well , I thought I had a VIP pass to meet you? Didn't you just give it to me the other day?"  Jeno played along making  Jaemin's smile widened more.

"Oh! I did! I forgot actually! You know how busy I am these days  _ hearing rumors _ ".

Jeno snickered at that before both of them  bursted out laughing.

Jaemin found it comfortable to be with  Jeno for some reason. The older was a new figure in  Jaemin's life, but somehow talking with him, spending time with him made  Jaemin happy, relaxed. Besides,  Jeno had defended him many times from those baseless rumors.  Jaemin owed the older for keeping him safe, telling him it was okay whenever  Jaemin felt like crying after rumors spread about him.

  


Jaemin believed  Jeno was a soft natured person from the way  Jeno talked with him. If  Jaemin had to describe how  Jeno held a conversation, he would say  Jeno talked in small letters with cute fonts.  Jaemin found it adorable about the older how he always talked so softly, & sometimes would make a weird sound like a child when he would get confused or startled.

But then again  Jaemin had heard a few times  Jeno talking to other students, or rather scolding them for something. & he felt like  Jeno was a completely different person. He talked in bold letters at those times. He sounded stern & cold. It took time for  Jaemin to accept this duality of  Jeno , but he soon understood that  Jeno was only soft with the people he liked & cared about. & Jaemin's name was also put under that list.

It felt very familiar to  Jaemin . But he couldn't pin point the exact reason. But he could tell he knew someone with the same type of personality.

  


It's only been a month or maybe a few days more that  Jaemin knew  Jeno . But in this small time he had found out that the older didn't have many friends.  Jeno liked to stay alone. & Jeno said he preferred having a few real friends instead of having a tons of fake ones. It made  Jaemin wonder what did  Jeno see in him to call him his friend? Or wait, were they just acquaintances? That must be it.

" Hyung ?"

Jaemin broke the silence.

"Yeah?"

"Are we friends?"

Jaemin asked with confusion & hope laced in his voice. Hoping the older would actually think of them as friends, but also didn't want to impose himself on the older.

But his worries flew out of the window when  Jeno laughed & ruffled his hair fondly.

"Of course we are Nana. Why do you think  i'm hanging out with you often?!"

"No, I just thought-"

  
  


" Ooohhh ! Isn't that the infamous bad boy Lee  Jeno & the cute little bunny Na  Jaemin ?!"

Jaemin turned his head toward the source of voice with a beaming smile, whereas  Jeno rolled his eyes hard at the intrusion. 

" Hyuck , from which angle do I look like a bad boy? If anything I'm the role model of every student out here."  Jeno snickered as  Donghyuck walked toward the duo.

"Well how would I know that? You do look like a bad boy with that cold facade of yours Lee. & hello to my little bunny!"  Donghyuck ruffled  Jaemin's hair as the other boy also greeted back with a bright smile.

"See  Jaemin here? Be more like him  Jeno-ya ! Smile more!"

Jeno only rolled his eyes at his best friend, making  Donghyuck snicker.

"But  Jeno hyung smiles a lot? Like, I can hear him smiling when he talks  hyung ."

Jaemin said, eyes staring at nothing as  Donghyuck smirked hearing that.  Donghyuck looked at  Jeno who had a soft smile on his lips as he stared at  Jaemin .

_ Love sick people. _

Donghyuck internally sighed knowing his best friend was whipped for the blind boy. He wondered if  Jaemin knew. & Suddenly a light bulb went off in his head.

A mischievous grin spread across his face as he looked at  Jeno .

"Hey  Jaemin ?"

"Hmm?"

"Want me to tell you a secret?"

"...secret?"

"Yeah.  Wanna know?"

" Uhh ….. if...if you are okay with it?"

Jeno confused, stared at  Donghyuck with furrowed brows, but soon his whole  demeanor changed from confused to shocked when  Donghyuck finally told the half of the secret.

" Jeno likes someone!"

Both  Jaemin & Jeno's eyes widened comically for entirely different reasons before  Jaemin heard  Jeno curse at  Donghyuck . Which was soon followed by  Donghyuck's loud yelp & hurried footsteps as if someone was chasing another person.

Jaemin could faintly hear  Jeno cursing at  Donghyuck from a distance, while  Donghyuck yelling a series of  sorrys .  Jaemin smiled at that.  Jeno was right, a few real friends were enough.

  


  


" Jaemin ?"

"Lucas  hyung ! Hey, I had been waiting for you guys."  Jaemin replied as Lucas sat beside him.

"Where is Injun ?"  Jaemin asked.

"He's actually waiting for you in the class, he left his homework at home, so he's doing it again." Lucas said amused.

"That idiot!"  Jaemin shook his head at his best friend's idiocy. "Let's go then."

Jaemin stood up without any delay, making Lucas groan as he just sat there. Lucas grumbled as he stood up.  Jaemin suddenly pushed his recorder at Lucas blindly making the older confused as he took it from  Jaemin's hand.

Jaemin cupped his hands around his lips before yelling out  Jeno & Donghyuck's names, telling them that he was leaving. & In return he got two loud yells from the duo, that they'd see him around. 

  


  


"Do you like  Jeno ?"

The question caught  Jaemin off guard. He didn't expect Lucas would assume him liking  Jeno too .

"Huh?! What? No! Where did you get that idea from?!"  Jaemin said a bit offended that Lucas too thought of it about his & Jeno's friendship.

"Sorry… it's just...I often see you guys together in the school recently. So  i thought-  nevermind . I forgot  Renjun told me you already have someone?"

Lucas's playful voice returned, making  Jaemin's ears turn red as he started to stutter, making Lucas laugh at his adorableness.

"It's okay Nana. It's okay to be in love. Also let us meet him someday?"

Lucas suggested with a hopeful voice, to which  Jaemin only nodded.

_ Let me meet the real him first  _ _ hyung _ _. _

  
  
  
  
  


"LEE FUCKING DONGHYUCK! I DARE YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD TO JAEMIN!"

Jeno yelled at the other boy who was laughing like a maniac. 

"How long are you  gonna hide it from him though Jen? He deserves to know that. Besides he might actually like you back."

That silenced  Jeno as he laid back on the grass tired, with  Donghyuck few  feets away from him. 

It's not that he didn't want to tell  Jaemin , it's not that he didn't want to hold  Jaemin in public, kiss him in front of every single person so that they knew  Jaemin belonged to him. But  Jeno didn't know how to.

He didn't know how to convert  Dotori into  Jeno in  Jaemin's life without scaring the other. He had been thinking about this for a month but he couldn't think of a single solution to this. Sometimes he would even wonder if  Jaemin would find out himself  oneday by his touch. If there's a possibility of that,  Jeno would want  Jaemin to figure it out by himself one day.

He wondered what would happen then. Would  Jaemin accept him? Or he would get scared of him? Would he leave  Jeno ?

No.

Losing  Jaemin was never an option, & would never be one in future.

No matter what happens, either  Jaemin would want or not,  Jeno would never let  Jaemin go.

  
  
  


  
  
  


Mrs. Na checked the time once again.

It was already 5:30pm.

School had ended 30minutes ago. Mrs. Na had been waiting in her car in front of the school for more than an hour now. She saw his son leaving with  Renjun around 15minutes ago. But the one she had been waiting for was nowhere to be seen.

_ Did he skip today? _

Mrs. Na's eyebrows furrowed at that. She wanted to talk with  _ him _ as soon as possible. She was already late. Sighing she was about to start her car when she spotted three boys walking out from the school.

  
  
  


" Hyuck , prepare the budget list for the sports within today. We need principal's approval as soon as possible"  Jeno said in a stressed tone. The sports festival was next month just after their year finals. So everyone in the student council was stressed as hell recently.

"Yeah... I'll mail you the file tonight. Just review it once before we send it to the principal. But my seventh sense is tingling that he's  gonna reject it. That bald old man!"  Donghyuck groaned out loud before noticing another figure walking beside him silently.

"Also you.. What are you doing with us Lucas?"  Hyuck raised an eyebrow at the latter.

"Nothing?" Lucas sounded confused himself making  Jeno snort & Donghyuck look at him like he had said something absurd. Then suddenly they heard another voice.

  
  


"Can I talk to you?"

The trio looked at the lady in her 40 in front of them.  Jeno's jaw & his grip on the strap of his bag tightened recognizing the lady.  Jeno could tell easily it was  Jaemin's mom.  Jaemin was a carbon copy of his mom. But what did she want from him? How did she know about  Jeno .

& Jeno felt dread settling in his stomach when the lady spoke again.

  


"I'm Mrs. Na, Na  Jaein .  Jaemin's mom. & I believe you know why I am here. Let's talk somewhere else?"

The lady suggested with a forced semi-polite smile.


	11. What should be done?

_**1st December, 2016 (pt.2)** _

It was silent between them. Mrs. Na observed the biy infront of him with judging eyes. It almost took her around 3 weeks to come talk with the boy who Jaemin was secretly seeing for God knows how long.

Mrs. Na's initial thought about this boy was "a playboy" when she saw the boy sneaking inside Jaemin's room through the window. If this boy wasn't some playboy, or some jerk who was trying to use Jaemin because of his lacking then why the hell would someone want to date her defected son?!

But now that the boy was sitting infront of her, facing her questions & humiliation, yet claiming that he loved Jaemin, Mrs. Na didn't know what to think.

As much as she was cruel to her son, she still loved him. Maybe she couldn't show it, maybe she didn't know how to show it. But someone using her son only to leave him alone the next day... Mrs. Na couldn't accept that. Jaemin wasn't like other normal boys. He was just Jaemin, a boy with a defect. A defect that made him too vunerable to the world & their dirty tricks.

& Mrs. Na just wanted to save his son. Maybe in the process she would become someone that Jaemin hated the most, but she wouldn't let her son to fall in some trap.

"Stop seeing my son."

Mrs. Na saw how the voy infront of him froze, how his grip in the mug tightened, how he clenched his teeth.

He was angry.

"I don't care if my son likes you. I don't like you for my son. Specially not when I don't see any hint of love in your eyes for my son."

Mrs. Na had been searching the boy's eyes for a long time now. They were empty. No... They were filled with fake likeness, fake feelings. No matter how much the boy claimed he liked Jaemin, Mrs. Na couldn't see the desperation in his eyes that he had in his pleadings. He was lying. There was no way he loved Jaemin like he claimed.

"My son is different. From me, from you, from everyone else. He craves for affection. Love. That somehow I failed to give him. But that doesn't mean you can just play around with him. Sneaking in his bedroom at midnight, leaving marks all over his neck?!"

Mrs. Na took a deep breath to calm herself down.

"I wouldn't do that next time if I were you."

She picked up her purse from the table as she stood up, towering the tall boy who was looking downwards without any word.

"Break up. Or call off whatever you have going on with my son within tomorrow. I don't wanna see you near him, or anywhere around my house again. If you fail to do so, then I'll have to take strict action against you."

Mrs. Na felt relieved as soon as she left the cafe. She was sure her threat would work. There was no way that boy would still be around Jaemin. & Mrs. Na was sure Jaemin would hate him, but if this was what she needed to do to protect Jaemin, then she'd gladly accept all those hate. She just wanted her child to be safe.  
  
  
  
  


"Hey..." Jeno smiled at how Jaemin snuggled to his chest sleepily, murmuring small "missed you". Jeno lovingly stroked at Jaemin's hair, lulling the boy back to sleep.

Jaemin's hair was soft. Like soft cottons. Jaemin recently mentioned about dying his hair to bright colors, asked Jeno if how he would look in those colors. Jeno thought that Jaemin would good look in anything. He wondered if someday he could dye Jaemin's hair himself.

Such a wishful thinking.

Jeno sighed as he lied on his back, placing Jaemin's head over his chest as younger's hands voluntarily snaked around Jeno's middle.

It was hard. It was hard to get inside Jaemin's house today. Jaemin's window was closed & seemed like his mother had appointed a few guards in the house, tightening the security around Jaemin.

Irritating.

That's what Jeno found Mrs. Na to be. Spying on his own son now. Jeno wondered what would Jaemin feel about it once he'd find out what his mom was doing behind his back. Suddenly a thought came to Jeno.

A possibility to take Jaemin away from his mom, with him.

What if...what if Jeno installed hatred inside Jaemin's mind against his mom? What if he increase the hatred to a level when Jaemin would beg Jeno to take him away from here. Or what if....

What if.... He just removed Jaemin's irritating mom from his life, like he did with Yuna? No more some old lady dotting on his Jaemin. No more crying Jaemin. Jaemin then would only stay with him. Think about him.

They can build up their own world without those people who tried to snatch Jaemin away from him.

There would be only two of them.

So what should he do? What would be the first step?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short update :'( Just a bit busy with my thesis.
> 
> I promise to give you a longer chapter next :')
> 
> Till then stay safe & happy <3
> 
> Also what do you think Jeno would do now?


	12. The Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skip to January of 2021. A lot have changed. But Jaemin couldn't.

_**21st January, 2021** _

"Jaemin?"

Jaemin flinched as soon as he heard the familiar voice infront of him. This was one of those time when he hated his disability to see. It was either he would get surprised or he'd be shocked.

But Jaemin tried to compose himself as fast as he could before nodding slowly as greeting. 

"I never expected to see you here y'know." 

_I never expected myself either. But here I am._

Jaemin's grip on his stick tightened as he tried to talk with the man infront of him. But it seemed like all his courage flew out of the window as soon as he heard the other's voice after so many years.

It still sounded the same. The same voice that Jaemin once adored so much.

"You haven't changed a bit."

Jaemin heard a small chuckle as he squirmed on his seat feeling uncomfortable under "his" gaze. This wasn't the plan.

"Seems like the same old Jaemin. The Jaemin who was too easy...." The man paused for a second before continuing.

"....to play with."

Jaemin found his heart filling with a sudden wave of sadness & disgust. He once again felt the destiny slapped him with his reality. He really did a mistake by trusting this man before. Jaemin really shouldn't had come here.

  
But before he could say something he heard a loud yelling from another person; an officer. He was yelling at the inmate to behave properly.

  
"Sir. I think you should leave. Or... Hurry up. This man here can't be trusted." The another officer in the room advised Jaemin to which Jaemin hesitantly nodded making the inmate infront of him laugh out like he was very amused.

"Why? I don't bite Lee. At least not infront of these many people." His tone was mocking making Jaemin shiver. 

"I'm sure Nana wouldn't want a show here right now." His voice was still as dangerous as Jaemin remembered from years ago. "Or... You would want me to show the people what can i do to yo-"

"Shut up! Get up! Mov-" 

"Why? Why did you do it?!". Suddenly Jaemin spoke up, interrupting the officer. He felt tears pricking his eyes, but he sat straight, determined to get back home with an answer.

But what he got was a sinister laugh. A laugh that froze Jaemin's core. A laugh that took Jaemin back to 2017 once again. Drowned him with the memories he tried to forget so hard.

  
"Why? You still asking me why?!" The man shouted violently. Jaemin could here the gate to the room open as some hurried footsteps followed into the room. He could hear loud yell & sounds of people struggling as if they got into some fight. 

Jaemin was scared when the inmate started screaming at him, which was soon followed by a bunch of curses & threats from the other people inside the room.

"Time is over! Get him back to his cell! Now!" A voice ordered loudly.

  
Jaemin felt his tears fall without any restrain as he heard "his" voice slowly fading away.  
But his words were stuck inside Jaemin's head. & Most probably it would be stuck in his head for the rest of his life.

"Because I hate you! I hate you Na Jaemin!"

  
"I'm sorry sir. But I really think you shouldn't be here alone." A voice spoke up as he handed Jaemin a tissue box. It was Mr. Lee, the police officer who was in charge of "him".

  
Jaemin slowly nodded as he tried to wipe away his tears with the back of his hands hurriedly even though he had a tissue box in his other hand. 

"I-I just...I just thought... he'd changed... I thought he had changed...he would" Jaemin's voice was shaking. He was about to cry out anytime once again.

"I thought... He'd for once say he didn't do it.... B-but-" 

"But he was still the same." Mr. Lee finished making Jaemin whimper.

Mr. Lee felt bad. He knew what happened with the blind boy. He was the one to arrest the infamous inmate after all. Mr. Lee knew the whole story. So he felt sympathy for the blind boy infront of him.

Na Jaemin never deserved this.

& He hoped that Jaemin knew this as well. He wouldn't like for the boy to live his whole life thinking all that happened was his fault.


	13. Found out (TW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to the year of 2017.

_**7th January, 2017** _

"Wake up"

  
Jeno nudged the figure lying on the floor with his leg. But got no response back. So he nudged harder while calling out louder than before. & That seemed to do the work as the figure cursed out loudly.

"The fuck! It hurts!"

Jeno snickered before walking inside his kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. Well finals were around the corner, & his duty as the stuco president wasn't helping him finishing his studies.

  
Then there was Jaemin. Jeno needed to take care of his boy too. He needed his daily dose of Jaemin to stay sane. & His mom increasing the security around his house was really keeping Jeno on the edge.

_Well, fuck that old hag!_

"You're making dinner little bro?" 

Jeno rolled his eyes at the annoying voice before replying in a cold voice.

"No. Also I need you to leave asap. I don't want you around me." Jeno said as he dropped a sugar cube in the coffee. An offended gasp was heard soon but Jeno paid no heed to that as he took a sip of the coffee & humming in approval immediately.

"Gosh! You're one cruel cold hearted brother Jeno! I'm your elder brother for God's sake. Cut me sone slack! Will ya?"

Jeno glanced at his older brother who was now rummaging through his kitchen cabinets for food.

"I mean it. I don't want you here drinking & lying all the time. Your existence here was irritating enough. So stop crushing at my house after drinking."

"Y'know lil bro... You sound exactly like our dad." Jeno's brother chuckled lightly as he tore open the lid of a cup ramyun. "You sound like that cold hearted bustard." 

Silence.

It was quiet as hell after this. No one spoke for next few minutes. Jeno silently drank his coffee while leaning on the kitchen counter, while the older Lee silently prepared his ramyun.

It wasn't until Jeno finished when the silence broke.

  
"You're a lot like her." Jeno's voice was distant, as if he was lost somewhere. It made his brother stop what he was doing. 

  
"Between us, it's you who look like her the most." Jeno's voice was like in a mid line between fondness & sadness.

  
"You look like her, even talk like her." Jeno's voice slowly turned cold, "You do everything that she used to do. You..." Jeno let out a shaky breath, as if he was trying to control his anger.

"You remind me of the times I want to forget."

With that Jeno placed his cup on the counter & walked away from his brother without even sparing a glance at the older Lee.

Jeno was almost near his room when he heard a loud bang from downstairs. He looked out the window only to see his brother pulling up the hoodie above his head as he briskly walked away from the house.

Jeno didn't feel anything while watching his brother, his only living family walking away from him. He knew he hit a nerve when he mentioned about "her" infront of his brother. Well, he was right. His brother did make him remind of things he wanted to forget so badly.

He just wanted his past to be gone. But then again, his past was something that moulded him to the present Jeno. His past was something that led Jeno to Jaemin. 

  
So at that moment Jeno felt conflicted for the first time. Should he be happy for his past, or should he be sad?

  
Jeno didn't know what came to him. How came he became so fucking stupid to do something like this in an open place.

Jeno felt himself going frantic when he heard footsteps coming toward him & the body lying on his foot. He hastily grabbed the collar of the unmoving body & dragged it behind the bush to hide it. He stared at the girls from the bush who walked pass the area without even noticing the small droplets of blood on the pitch road. The black of the night hid the dark liquid well.

Jeno let out a big sigh before leaning on the tree beside him. It didn't bother him to have a dead body lying beside him.

Well? Was he really dead?

Jeno stared at the unmoving body as if he was daring it to move even slightly. & When after a minute he observed no trace of life in the body his eyes curled into small crescents as his lips stretched into a wide grin.

If it weren't for the situation, his smile could have been described as a pretty one. 

  
Jeno felt excitement running through his body as he saw the glint of the silver knife in moonlight. It was sitting perfectly straight on the other's torso.

A wicked smile played on his lips as he grabbed the knife & slowly twisted it; making warm liquid oozing from the lifeless body. Jeno wondered how the body was still so warm. He pulled out a knife a tug & immediately stabbed another part of the body wanting to see of if the blood was warm there too. 

  
& It was. It was still warm. 

  
& Jeno liked it. 

He stabbed again. Again. Until he reached the closed eyes.

  
_These eyes.. these eyes admired Jaemin_.

  
& The thought was enough to make Jeno stab the knife on both eyes, spilling blood everywhere like water.

  
He held up his hand under the moonlight. Stared at the thick liquid painting his hand in red. Jeno's thought immediately went to Jaemin. His Jaemin looked the prettiest in red.

Jeno wanted to smear Jaemin soft cheeks in this. He wanted to cover Jaemin's golden skin in the layer of red. He wanted to see Jaemin in red, just the red that jeno would smear on his naked body.

His baby would look the prettiest.

& Only Jeno. Only he would be the one to see it.

An ugly laugh escaped from his lips. A laugh if victory. A laugh indicating that he won. He glanced at the bloody body beside him. He laughed so hard that tears came out from his eyes out of pure happiness. 

This bastard will never be able to see his baby again. He would never be able to admire how pretty Na Jaemin was.

Only Jeno would be able to do that. & It made Jeno's heart beat loud & fast in his chest.

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! THE HELL IS THIS JENO?!"

  
Jeno's head whipped toward the source of that familiar voice. & That's how Jeno found himself staring at his best friend, Lee Donghyuck's horrified eyes.

  
A lazy grin once again spread on his lips as he stared at his best friend.

  
"Hey Hyuck....wanna hang out?"


	14. Best friends [TW]

_**March, 2009** _

"Hi... I'm Lee Donghyuck! Let's be good friends!"

Donghyuck grinned as he saw his new classmates clapping hard, welcoming him in their class. He felt relieved at being accepted so easily. He had different kind of worst sceneries in his mind about his first day at the new school. It was frightening, but Donghyuck learned to face everything with courage & smile. He wasn't the one to back off easily.

So that's why when his eyes fell on the quiet boy at the middle of right row he felt his perfect smile wearing out slightly. The boy wasn't looking at him, nor he was clapping with the others. He was just kept scribbling in his notebook without even caring about what was happening around him.

"Your seat is beside Jeno. Jeno can you please raise your hand for Donghyuck?"

As soon as the teacher called out, the same boy raised his hand, now looking directly at the teacher. Donghyuck walked down the rows with a big smile & sat down beside Jeno, who was again back to scribbling.

"Hi! I'm Donghyuck! Let's be friends!"

Donghyuck greeted as he held his hand infront of Jeno. But Jeno didn't even spare him a glance making Donghyuck wait with his hand on hanging on the air for next 30seconds.

It was embarrassing as hell. Donghyuck could hear hushed whispers about him & Jeno. Some were talking bad about Jeno, some were pitying Donghyuck, & some were just snickering saying he was trying to be too friendly.

First day it was, & Donghyuck was already having mixed feelings about his new school.  
  


_**August, 2009** _

Donghyuck liked to believe he was competitive. & He was sure people around him also knew this well.

Donghyuck had realised that though his all classmates welcomed him with large smiles & claps, there were some who didn't like him that much. & Donghyuck learned to ignore them in these last 6 months.

& Lee Jeno was on the top of that list.

But no matter how hard he tried he couldn't really avoid the other Lee's existence in his life. & Donghyuck's competitiveness was the main culprit here.

Donghyuck had been the top student in his class in the first four years of his primary school life. & He believed he was smart & studious enough to keep up that in his new school. & Maybe he would've succeeded if there wasn't a Lee Jeno in his class.

Lee stotic Jeno was the first boy in his class. There wasn't a single subject in which he got less than 100, whereas Donghyuck would miss one or two marks in a few subjects. This sometimes freaked Donghyuck out.

He used to think if Jeno was even a human at this point. & Once he voiced out this concern of his to his family who only laughed at him for thinking like this.

_Whoever said one could trust his family was a big ass liar!_

That's what Donghyuck thought with a pout on his lips.

Donghyuck was competitive & he did his very best to beat Jeno. But half yearly result came out at the end of August making Donghyuck greet his teeth in frustration.

1st place: Lee Jeno  
2nd place: Lee Donghyuck  
3rd place: Liu Yangyang

_**October, 2009** _

Donghyuck was grinning. He knew he was gonna win this 100m race. But his grin seemed to falter as soon as he saw Jeno walking to him & taking position beside him for the race.

Donghyuck could feel his eyes twitch at irritation.

No way Donghyuck was gonna let this boy ruin his chances to win this race.

But little did Donghyuck knew that Jeno wasn't really good at sports nor Jeno was interested to win. But he was so preoccupied with his negativity that he didn't even notice that he was running too fast. & He was almost near the end when he suddenly fell causing a few competitors of his run pass him to the end line.

Donghyuck groaned in pain. He had a big cut on his knee, it was bleeding. He closed his eyes in pain when a shadow fell over him.

"Let's go."

Donghyuck stared at Jeno with wide eyes. This was the first time he talked with Donghyuck. Donghyuck eyed Jeno's hand before holding it hesitantly. It felt awkward as Jeno let him put his weight on Jeno's shoulder & helped him to the infirmary.

_What the hell happened to Lee Jeno all of a sudden?!_

Donghyuck was stealing glance at Jeno every once in a while, while the other boy resigned himself in the visitor's seat near the bed with a text book on his hand.

Donghyuck told him that he was okay, Jeno didn't need to stay with him. But Jeno being the annoying Jeno replied that he wasn't staying in the infirmary because of Donghyuck, he just wanted time off from sports.

That day Donghyuck realized maybe Lee Jeno wasn't that bad after all.

So it wasn't strange when suddenly Donghyuck felt an urge to be friends with the boy who didn't even bat an eye at him.

But Donghyuck wasn't the one to back off.

_**January, 2010** _

Donghyuck was worried.

Jeno wasn't talking at all. All those progress from last 4months were suddenly gone in a day.

Jeno was back to being alone & quiet. Once again casted Donghyuck aside.

& As much as Donghyuck was concerned, he was furious too. Jeno just couldn't push away his only friend like this!

So it became a regular scene of Donghyuck bugging the hell out of Jeno & Jeno trying his best to keep his composer & ignore the other boy.

It was around a week later when Donghyuck finally noticed something in Jeno. A large purple mark peeking out from his school shirt.

_Was Jeno being bullied by someone?_!

It was during lunch hour when Donghyuck managed to corner the other boy.

"Is anyone bullying you?"

"No"

"Did someone beat you?"

"....No"

"....You are lying."

"What is it to you?"

Donghyuck felt tears pricking his eyes at the last sentence. What did he mean by what it was to Donghyuck?! Jeno was his friend! It's normal to get worried for his friend!

But seemed like Jeno never really considered him one.

So after that day Donghyuck resigned. & Seemed like Jeno didn't care.

_**November, 2010** _

Donghyuck could hear people talking about him & his parents in hushed voice. It was a week or two since his parents got divorced & Donghyuck was settled to stay with his father until he was done with his primary school which was only 3months away.

For past 10months he & Jeno didn't talk even for once. They totally avoided each other's existence. In the mean time Donghyuck made new friends, friends that weren't like a certain someone. But that didn't mean that Donghyuck didn't notice when Jeno would slightly limp as he walked down the corridor alone or how he flinched when he would collide with something or someone accidentally as if he was in pain. Donghyuck noticed it all, but Jeno made it clear that it was nothing for Donghyuck to worry about. So he kept quiet & went along with his new friends.

Donghyuck felt his jaws tightened as he heard his so called friends talking behind his back, how they couldn't be friends with Donghyuck anymore.  
Even one of they boys said that his mom told him that being friends with Donghyuck would bring bad luck on their family. So Donghyuck gritted his teeth & walked away from those friends of his.

Well he didn't need friends like these.

As much as Donghyuck tried to act nonchalant about being alone in the class he was a mess inside. He was lonely. His father didn't care about him much & neither he had friends to share his feelings. As a child the situation was taxing a lot from him. & Finally he broke down oneday in the school washroom.

& Funny thing was it was Jeno who found Donghyuck crying there & offered a new pack of tissue. Donghyuck felt like crying more when Jeno simply leaned on the wall beside him & waited for Donghyuck to calm down.

Jeno understood that Donghyuck needed someone.

It was half hour later when Donghyuck finally calmed down & freshened up to remove any trace of tears from his face.

He wanted to thank Jeno. But he didn't know how start. But before he could think of something it was Jeno who broke the silence.

"Don't let them affect you." Jeno's voice was stotic just like before as he talked. "Stop caring about what others say about you. It's you who's gonna live your life, alone. So suck it up, go on your own way."

Jeno always seemed like he was more mature than his age, & his advise to Donghyuck just then proved that Donghyuck had been right.

"Y-yeah..."

"& I really mean it when I said go on your own way. I don't want to start bugging me again just because i talked to you again."

Jeno warned with a glare toward Donghyuck, who just stood there dumbly as he watched Jeno walk out from the washroom.

Lee Jeno was one weird human.

_**June, 2011** _

4 months & a half of the middle school & Donghyuck was back to his old self. Confidence oozing from him as he walked down the corridor of his new middle school with Jeno by his side. Jeno was still stotic, stone faced like he was in primary school. & He was still the asshole he was back then, but Donghyuck learned not to care about those as he made sure to stick to the stone faced friend of his.

If anyone would ask Jeno if he knew Donghyuck he would just reply in one word "No" & Donghyuck would say that Jeno was just shy to admit that he had a friend making Jeno glare at him.

They were kinda inseparable. Well mostly Donghyuck was inseparable from Jeno & Jeno just being himself would ignore the other's existence.

After primary school ended Donghyuck had to move with his mom to a different city. For the first time Donghyuck felt so afraid to face new people. It terrified him thinking he had to blend in another environment again.

What if he was once again outcasted by his classmates? What if he was once again judged by the people there?

Scared Donghyuck ran to Jeno's home only to find out latter's parents arguing like freaks. & What surprised Donghyuck more that Jeno seemed unaffected as he opened the door to Donghyuck with a raised eyebrow as if asking what did Donghyuck want.

When Donghyuck failed to give a reply Jeno sighed before inviting the him to his room while Jeno's parents still arguing like they were in a court.

Donghyuck stayed the night at Jeno's that day. It was awkward as hell when Jeno just sat at his desk preparing for admission test whereas Donghyuck sat on the bed trying to focus on anything to tune out Jeno's screaming parents.

Donghyuck then wondered if this was the reason for Jeno being so emotionless & mature at this age. He wondered if Jeno ever wanted to leave this place?

& Out of curiosity he asked Jeno when they both settled on the bed.  
Jeno just shrugged when Donghyuck mentioned, but Donghyuck could tell Jeno wanted to.

So from the next day Donghyuck started putting the idea of moving to a school in another city, that way he could be stay alone & away from these. & Soon Jeno agreed when his parents filed for divorce.

Jeno just wanted walk out from this mess.

Next thing Donghyuck did was finding a school in the city where his mom was living & making Jeno go there. It was tough when he found out Jeno didn't want to be associated with him but somehow he did managed to get Jeno take the admission test at SMH.

_**December, 2011** _

Donghyuck wasn't blind nor he was an idiot. He could clearly see how Jeno's behavior toward him changed, how he started to consider about Donghyuck whenever he needed to do something. Jeno had started to consider Donghyuck as a friend who he wanted to keep by his side.

But still it came as a surprise when Donghyuck found Jeno calling him at the middle if the night asking if they could meet. Donghyuck without even thinking twice ran out from his house to the school dorm at 2am of the night.

This was the first time Jeno needed him. & Donghyuck wasn't gonna let his friend down.

Jeno was different. Different from Donghyuck, different from everyone out there in every sense. Donghyuck knew this. So when Jeno claimed that he was different than others as soon as Donghyuck stepped inside his dorm Donghyuck didn't know what to say.

Donghyuck just hugged the boy who looked like he was too broken to get repaired again. Donghyuck felt scared for his best friend. He didn't want Jeno to lose himself in the darkness.

But then he found out that Jeno was the darkness himself. There was a bloody dead mouse on Jeno's study table. Donghyuck at first thought jeno had picked a injured mouse from somewhere. But as he stepped closer he could see that jeno had pinned the mouse down on his table with pins & cut it open straight from the middle.

Donghyuck felt his dinner coming up from his throat, almost vomiting at the sight when Jeno curiously poked the bloody organs of the poor mouse with an anticutter.

Donghyuck felt sick when Jeno didn't seem to be bothered by it. He felt scared knowing gow different Jeno was from him. This wasn't the Jeno he had seen before.

Donghyuck felt scared. He was scared that Jeno had lost all his sense. One wrong move & Jeno could even come for Donghyuck's throat. So he curled into a ball as Jeno talked away alone.

This was the first time Donghyuck saw Jeno talking this much. He shivered when he saw Jeno's eyes sparkling as he mentioned how many animals he had dessected before how many he planned to do. Donghyuck found out why his best friend's favourite color was red that night.

He found out Jeno was just a psychopath.

_**March, 2012** _

Donghyuck watched horrified as Jeno laughed while talking with one of their classmates. Jeno had changed drastically in last few months, specially after that night in Jeno's dorm. Jeno was becoming more & more social; talking, smiling, laughing, making jokes, volunteering to help in different events continuously. He had become more outgoing, & easy to talk with person. He'd invite Donghyuck to his dorm or to some cafe every now & then. He'd go with his classmates in hangouts too.

It was like a 180 degree turn of Jeno. & Donghyuck would've been the happiest if he didn't knew why Jeno was being like this.

Jeno wanted to conceal the blood in his hand. Hide his hideous mind from others. He wanted to blend in so that people wouldn't point their fingers at him. It terrified Donghyuck. Jeno acting like being a social & communicative was making Donghyuck. He felt like he didn't know Jeno a bit. All those years were just a dream.

Jeno was slowly turning into a vicious monster & Donghyuck didn't know what to do.

_**October, 2012** _

Donghyuck watched as Jeno's fangirls & fanboys screamed their lungs out as he won the gold in high jump. & Jeno smiling brightly at them, thanking them for supporting him.

It felt like Jeno was an idol not a middle schooler. They were still young. But of course, Jeno had always been too mature for his age.

"Hyuck....are you afraid of me?"

Donghyuck flinched when he heard Jeno's voice just behind his back. He turned back only to see Jeno standing at the door of his room with a blank expression.

Of course Jeno would be here. Hyuck's mom loved Jeno, & Jeno for some reason got attached to her too. Even though he never told anyone verbally, but Hyuck could see through him.

Lee Jeno, who never really understood what family was or what love was, found comfort in Donghyuck & his family. & This was something Donghyuck was proud of.

Donghyuck silently watched as Jeno made himself comfortable on his bed. Hyuck knew Jeno wanted answer. He wondered what should he do. Be honest with him & risk his life? Even though he wasn't sure if Jeno slaughtered human or not. But one couldn't really guarantee about them. Maybe he should just lie & lay low? Then slowly detaching himself from Jeno? But that would mean he was abandoning the boy who stood by Donghyuck when he needed support the most.

"I am." Donghyuck stared dead at Jeno's sharp eyes. "I'm scared of you."

".... But I wouldn't do anything to you." Jeno stated calmly, which surprised Donghyuck to be honest.

"We don't know that Jeno." Donghyuck sighed. "Am I the only person to know about your..... Interest in _these_?"

Jeno nodded.

"Why? Why did you show me or tell me about this? You knew I'd freak out?! Hell! Anyone would freak out!"

"I didn't wanna hide from you." Jeno's voice was still calm as he stared back at Donghyuck who seemed to get confused.

"I've been hiding for a long time now. I knew i was different from the start. & It wasn't because just the environment i grew up. I guess i was born with a messed up mind." Jeno grabbed a pillow behind him before throwing himself on the bed with it.

"I knew i could hurt people. Oneday I could just go insane, lose control & i could hurt people around me..."

Then something clicked in Donghyuck.

"That's why you always avoided me?" Donghyuck too shocked to know that Jeno was trying hold back the monster inside him since such a young age.

"Is that why you suddenly stopped being my friends that time?!" Donghyuck's voice was just a whisper now, but Jeno heard it well.

He stayed silent.

"My mom used to make me go bring her drugs & shits after my brother ran away from home."

"WAIT- HOLD THE FUCK UP! YOU HAVE A BROTHER?!" Donghyuck was almost whisper yelling at the newfound information about Jeno. & Jeno let out a hearty laugh at his friends such expressive reaction.

A genuine laugh.

"Well I used to at least. I don't even know if he's alive or not. Besides i didn't really have a bond with him. We're like strangers in our own house."  
Jeno was once again back to his calm posture. As if it was nothing to be upset about.

Donghyuck himself didn't have a perfect family. He found out about it at young age & went through shits in his previous school because of this. But still, he could tell the whole would with pride he had the best mother.

Something that Jeno never had.

"It happened many times when i had to fall victim to the mad dogs in the road. I needed to defend myself from them." Jeno's voice was distant. "Then i just found out that i was fucked up." A small whisper as if he was afraid to tell the world.

"I was fucked up & i loved how it made me excited & feel things when nothing could do."

Donghyuck felt his skin crawl at how sweet Jeno was being while talking about the bloody shits he had done till now.

"I don't feel anything for anyone Hyuck." Jeno stated with a finality in his voice. "I just happen to feel no remorse toward anything or anyone."

"But....?" Hyuck asked, "What changed now?"

"....You happened. You were the only person who had been trying to be competitive against me, only one to offer friendship instead of calling me names &..." A sigh. "I wasn't used to this... I wanted you gone..."

"But then you just came again in a vunerable state. Your family & friends had fucked up your mind & you were holding onto me. & I felt needed?"

Donghyuck stayed silent as he listened to Jeno. He was feeling afraid that a single interruption would make Jeno coil back all the emotion he had laid infront of Donghyuck.

"You even showed me a way out from that hell hole"

_He must be talking about his family_.

"I was dying there slowly but you & your mom saved me."

Donghyuck heart was bleeding by now. He had never seen Jeno like this. So vulnerable & soft.

It just reminded Donghyuck that Lee Jeno too was a human after all. Maybe not a normal one, or a sane one in reality, but still he was still a human with valid emotions.

_**March, 2013** _

Donghyuck's grin was wide as soon as he saw the result board.

They both once again took the top 2 ranks & got promoted to the last year of middle school.

He immediately ran off to find Jeno who was most probably in the roof or at the library trying to act nerd. Well Lee Jeno was a nerd in a sense.

In last few month Jeno had been trying to change himself to a better version of himself. After that night at hyuck's home Jeno cried saying he wanted to change. He didn't wanna lose Donghyuck. He didn't want to be abandoned.

It was pitiful & sad how the cold Lee Jeno was suffering all alone. Donghyuck promised him he wouldn't leave him alone. & In return Jeno did everything he could be like Donghyuck, a normal, sane human.

Donghyuck could see clearly how hard it was for Jeno. But he was trying, & Donghyuck was willing to hold onto that.

Besides Donghyuck was doing a great job to distract Jeno from those shitty things. He had volunteered to join the student council along with Jeno, which earned him a stink eye from the latter. He decided to involve Jeno more to the school works & volunteer programs, making Jeno easily stood out in the crowd.

In that way Jeno would always be infront of everyone. His every move will be tracked unknowingly. & Donghyuck felt at ease knowing Jeno didn't want anyone to find out about his secret.

Lee Jeno was smart. But Donghyuck knew better than to just believe in his words.

He just wanted to save his best friend from the darkness.

"YO VP! YOU CAME FIRST AGAIN IN THE QUIZ!"

Donghyuck yelled as soon as he saw Jeno in the library earning himself a scold from the librarian & a eye roll from Jeno before muttering a small "i knew already".

Donghyuck snickered at Jeno's confidence before sitting beside him holding a melon bread infront of the other boy.

"I got another good news for you stone face."

"What?" Jeno didn't even bother to look at Donghyuck.

"I heard the teachers a while ago" Donghyuck whispered as if it was some kind if top secret. "They're planning to make you the stuco pres once Donghwan hyung graduates next year."

This made Jeno look up at Donghyuck witg furrowed eyebrows.

"But I don't want to. You take the responsibility. It was you who was interested in the first place after all."

Jeno then went back to reading making Donghyuck groan. Donghyuck was indeed interested in the position, but Jeno being the pres would just limit Jeno's insane thoughts for next few years.

For this, Donghyuck was ready to settled as the next VP of stuco.

"You don't understand do you Jen?" Donghyuck stated, determined to fool Jeno to take the post when the time comes.

"This is a title that kinda screams that you can't do anything wrong."

& That caught Jeno's attention as his grip on his pen tightened.

"Hyuck I told you-"

"You told me. Yes. But no one can change his core can they?"

& Jeno went silent not knowing what should he answer.

& Donghyuck knew he did it.

_**April, 2014** _

"Did you guys hear news?! Minji's missing pet cat was found dead behind the dorm last night! It seemed like someone poured boiled water on it!"

"The fuck are you saying?! Who does that?!"

"A psychopath probably. & To think that he could be one of student from dorm... God it already making me sick!"

Donghyuck's brain was running at the speed of light at that moment. He had taken just oneday leave & this happened. Was it Jeno?!

Donghyuck felt his throat going dry at the thought.

But then again, minji's cat.. it had gone missing a week ago. Even if it was Jeno, where did he keep it all these time?

Jeno didn't have any other place to go beside his dorm & Donghyuck's home. & He had been pretty busy since accepted the stuco president title last month. The hell was happening.

"Why are you looking at me funny?"

Jeno asked while fixing the glass over his nose as he kept checking last years budget file. & After a minute or two he finally looked up sensing Donghyuck was still staring at him.

"What happened?"

"Was it you?" Donghyuck fired away, eyes still on Jeno, trying to decipher any kind of nervousness or discomfort in Jeno.

But what came as reply only confused Donghyuck more.

"Me what?" Jeno raised an eyebrow. "Wait you mean the kitkats in your locker? Yeah it was me. Some girls were after me with those." Jeno snickered as he went back to reading the papers.

"I was talking about the cat. Minji's cat. Was it you? Did you kidnapped the poor animal?"

Silence.

Jeno let out a big tired sigh as he looked up at Donghyuck.

"Really Donghyuck? You were with me when we found out about Minji's cat through sns a week ago."

Jeno's voice was resigned, as if he was tired of Donghyuck blaming him all the time.

& Yes, what Jeno said was true. Jeno was with him when the cat went missing. Then who the fuck did it?!"

Just thinking about another psycho running free inside the school was messing up Donghyuck's mind.

"I know i know... I just...." Donghyuck let out a sigh, a desperate one. " I just got reminded of what you did back in the middle school. I'm sorry okay? I just... God! What was I even Thinking! I'm really sorry Jen." Donghyuck apologized quickly to which Jeno just nodded.

So if it wasn't Jeno then who was it?

& Even though Donghyuck was now sure that it wasn't Jeno, he decided to keep an eye on Jeno too.

Donghyuck didn't wanna take a risk of losing his best friend.

_**2nd February, 2015** _

Something was different. Something was sure different with Jeno.

He was spacing out. A lot.

"Hey..you okay pres?"

Donghyuck slightly nudged the other who just nodded slowly.

Weird. What had gotten into him.  
  


_**14th February, 2015** _

"Na Jaemin? The blind boy? What did the poor soul do?"

Donghyuck asked worriedly seeing Na Jaemin's file on his desk.

"Nothing. I just heard something about him getting bullied by some upperclassmen." Jeno answered nonchalantly.

"Oohhhh you want me to keep an eye on him?" Donghyuck asked even though he knew it wasn't really his job. Yeri & Azuma were the ones to do the spy thingy for stuco.

"Nah... I already talked to Yeri & she handled the idiot alreday. Just put the file back where it was."

Jeno seemed uninterested in the bullying case, so Donghyuck didn't ask anything more. He just simply put the file back to its chamber

Strange indeed.

  
  


"God I didn't know Jaemin was this popular!"

Donghyuck looked up from what he was doing & raised an eyebrow at Yeri.

"What happened?" Donghyuck asked curiously letting his pen drop down on the table as he leaned forward over the table.

"Y'know I went to check on him & his bullies right? So what happened was his bully turned out to be his admire all of a sudden in the middle of me threatening him of detention!"

"Wait what?! For real?!" Donghyuck's eyes were wide with surprise.

"Yessss! He just suddenly went brave & announced infront of everyone that he liked the blind boy. I mean Jaemin." Yeri corrected herself before sat down on her desk. "It turned out that he was one of those emotionally constipated people who bullies their crush to get attention from them!" Yeri rolled her eyes hard making Donghyuck snicker.

"Well what did Jaemin say? Wait- it's Valentine's say! Shit! Did he accept?" Donghyuck's eyes were shining with curiosity.

"Nope! Jaemin just went like "I don't want a emotionally constipated boyfriend!" Can you fucking believe?! Jaemin the sweet boy was so pissed at the other boy it was fun to see!"

Both Yeri & Donghyuck were laughing loud now. Too amused to know that someone actually managed to piss of the sweetest boy in the school.

"God! I like that kid! Did you hea- Jeno? Where did he go?!" Donghyuck asked surprised seeing Jeno's chair empty. He didn't even notice when Jeno left the room. Yeri just shrugged as answer before pulling out a mirror from her bag to check her makeup.

Donghyuck shook his head at Yeri.

Well girls would always be girls.

It was around 20minutr letter when Donghyuck was done with his papers & went to Jeno's dest to keep the file for Jeno.

It was then when he noticed a pencil, broken in half was lying on the table.

The fuck was Jeno doing to his pencil?!

_**October, 2015** _

_Lovesick idiot._

Donghyuck snickered when he noticed Jeno's eyes once again was on the blind boy, Na Jaemin.

A 1st year student. Popular for his angelic feature & soft spoken nature.

& It seemed like he had the stuco president whipped for him too.

Jeno was secretive. No one other than Donghyuck knew this better. But he also could tell when something was up in Jeno's mind.

So it really surprised Donghyuck when he finally realized what actually changed in Jeno.

His best friend Lee Jeno was crushing on a boy. Hard.

The first time Donghyuck noticed Jeno's sharp eyes lingering on the blind boy was around the beginning of april. Until then Donghyuck would notice small changes in Jeno, but couldn't understand what it was.

But then oneday he saw the stone faced friend of his sporting a small smile on his face as he stared at the blind boy, who was laughing with his friends during lunch hour.

Lee Jeno was smiling. That too for a boy.

_Unbelievable_

After that Donghyuck started to notice smallest movement of Jeno's facial muscle whenever he would see Jaemin near him.

It was like Jeno had a Jaemin radar on his head. There could be hundreds of students in the hallway & yet Jeno's eyes would directly land on the blind boy.

& Truthfully, it made Donghyuck happy. Happy that his friend found someone other than Donghyuck & his mother to care for. Jeno found someone who could be the one to guide Jeno out from the darkness completely.

& Donghyuck prayed hard for that to happen.

_**13th April, 2016** _

Terrifying.

That's the only word Donghyuck could say when he & Jeno reached the school & saw the bloody dead bodies lying on the floor. Then they saw a hysteric Jaemin who was in a tight embrace of another student as police surrounded them.

It was just a glance or two. But it was enough for Donghyuck to realize what happened to Jaemin. & His first instinct was to look at Jeno to see if he was okay watching Jaemin like that.

& God forbid. Donghyuck never saw Jeno looking so cold & lifeless like that before.

& Donghyuck knew. This wasn't a good sign.

_**15th April, 2016** _

Donghyuck was waiting outside the room where police was taking everyone's statement. It was Jeno who was now talking with the police.

Donghyuck's mind wondered back to the night of 13th April. He couldn't erase how scary Jeno was looking that night. If Jeno was cold before, then he went colder that night.

These three days were the worst night for Jeno, Donghyuck assumed.

"They asked you to go inside." Jeno's voice was mechanical as he sat beside Donghyuck after his interview.

Donghyuck slowly nodded before muttering 'I'll be back soon" to Jeno & walked inside the room with a heavy heart.

"Has Jeno always been like this?"

Donghyuck got surprised at the first question they asked him. Why were they asking about Jeno?

"Like....what?" Donghyuck was confused. What were they talking about?

"Cold & blank. All of his answers were like mechanical."

"Oh... Not really..." Donghyuck sighed, "I think he was just shaken up at the whole thing? Besides Jaemin was someone who we were used see smiling all the time. So yeah... His cries that night was just.... traumatizing"

"Hmm... where had you been at the day of the incident?"

"I was at school with Jeno until 5. Then I went back to my home & Jeno gone back to his dorm."

"Did you two leave together?"

"Yes. I kinda dropped Jeno at his dorm & picked up my books from there. I stayed the night before at Jeno's."

"When did you reach home?"

"Around half past 6? Yeah... My mom & me both entered the house together. She just came back from office."

"Did you personally knew any of the victims? Like not as a stuco member, but as a friend or relative?"

"No. I don't know them well. Even though two of them were my classmates, i wasn't really associated with them that much. Besides one of them had confessed to Jaemin last year on Valentine's day. Jaemin rejected him...uh... quiet badly. We stuco members had to step up because he was actually bullying jaemin before that. So yeah we didn't really have a frndship relation after that."

"So he bullied before confessing? What about later? Did he cause any trouble after rejection?"

"No. He kinda stayed low as we kinda threatened them to put this on their record. But yes, Jaemin did have a lot of admirers even though he couldn't see."

"I see. You can leave for now. We'll contact with you if we need anything."

Donghyuck nodded before he got up & walked toward the door.

"Also. Keep an eye on your president. He didn't look like he would be able to run stuco for next few days."

Donghyuck frowned knowing the officer was most probably right.

The incident did pull two trigger of Jeno.

On one side it was blood & on another, it was Jaemin.  
  


_**June, 2016** _

Donghyuck was frustrated.

  
He didn't know what to do.

  
Jeno was just going mia after school & then resurface again the next day.

Where the fuck was he spending his night at?!  
  


"I was with my brother."

Donghyuck's jaws opened wide at the information. Jeno's brother was back?! & He was staying nights with his brother every now & then?! What alternative universe was this?!

"That fuck?! Where did he came from after all these years?!"

"He said he was in Seoul. Doing some jobs here & there." Jeno shrugged.

"So he came back to find you?" Donghyuck asked confused.

"Not really. He went back to my parents house. & Found dad almost dying." Jeno was now folding his cloths as he talked. "Dad requested him to find me. To divide the little amount of money he had between us. So he found me out now wanted me to move in with him."

"Wait-what money? Move where?!"

"He bought a small rundown house at the end of the city with our money. & Wants me to move there with him."

Donghyuck was ready to argue when Jeno glanced at him, "don't worry. I already declined & told him i didn't need the money. I had enough from my tuitions & scholarships for now. But that's how i ended up with me staying over there once or twice a week. Depending on when I'm free."

Donghyuck nodded. It actually made sense. Of course no matter how much Jeno said he didn't care about his brother, he couldn't just leave him when he found the older after so many years.

But what disturbed him was that Jeno being out of his reach. Jeno could go crazy alone & Donghyuck wouldn't be able to stop him.

Now Donghyuck could only pray that jeno would stay sane.  
  


_**September, 2016** _

Kim Yuna was missing.

Donghyuck suspected Jeno for this. He didn't know why, but his guts were telling him that it was Jeno.

Jeno was behaving too normal even though he & Donghyuck both witnessed the scene when Jaemin got harassed by Yuna. & Still Jeno was calm, too calm for Donghyuck's liking.

It was a mess. Police interrogating Wong Lucas & Jaemin again & again. & As if it wasn't enough Yuna's friends kept accusing & spreading rumors that Yuna disappeared because of Jaemin.

_How can they blame that poor boy?!_

This was when Jeno asked Donghyuck to step up & make sure students didn't cross their limits.

Jeno was calm. Like ocean before storm. He was calm as if nothing bothered him.

Jeno was normal. & It didn't seat well with Donghyuck.  
  


_**December, 2016** _

Yuna's disappearance was long forgotten as days went by.

Lucas was now a part of Jaemin's little friends group. & Mostly wasted his time crushing on Jaemin's best friend aka Huang Renjun.

Donghyuck was happy to at the moment. Everything was going well. Jeno became more & more expressive as he finally befriended with Jaemin. Donghyuck was in awe at how Jaemin could bring out the best version of Jeno so easily. Whenever Jeno was with Jaemin, Donghyuck could see genuine happiness in Jeno's eyes.

Jeno would smile like a lovesick fool whenever Jaemin was near him. Which earned them a lot of hushed voices behind their back.

But Jeno never cared about them. All he could focus on was Jaemin.

Donghyuck almost got a good beating when he mentioned about Jeno's crush infront of Jaemin. It was amusing to see the stotic Lee Jeno almost going red infront of his crush who couldn't even see him.

Donghyuck was happy for his friend. He hoped Jaemin would make his friend the happiest.

Na Jaemin was the best for Lee Jeno.

At least Donghyuck thought so.

_**7th January, 2017** _

Two more months then Donghyuck would graduate along with Jeno. Donghyuck was too excited. He already looked for different universities along with Jeno. He & Jeno both wanted to be roommates. It was convenient for them.

They finally selected SMU as their first choice.

& The pressure to get a good grade in year final & to be selected in their dream uni was immense. It was taking a troll on them.

On the otherhand, Jeno was suffering the most. Stuco duty was just killing him & Jeno was still doing it with determination.

Sometimes Donghyuck would wonder how Jeno could be this strong mentally.

But of course, everyone had a breaking point. So too freshen up their mind & keep their breaking point from coming Donghyuck decided to surprise Jeno with his mom's homemade food.

He was half way to the dorm when he noticed noises coming from the bush behind him.

Then a small chuckle. A familiar one.

_Jeno? What was he doing here?_

& They say curiosity killed the cat.

Well, at least it wasn't Donghyuck who got killed.

Donghyuck found Jeno behind a large bush. Grinning like a maniac as he stared at his blood stained hand with sparking eyes.

There right beside him was a bloody gore body of a familiar face.

Kang Yubin. Their classmate.  
  


"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! THE HELL IS THIS JENO?!"

Jeno's head whipped toward Donghyuck as he stared blankly at the latter. Donghyuck felt his entire body freeze in fear as he saw Jeno's face breaking into a familiar lazy grin.

"Hey Hyuck....wanna hang out?"

& Did Hyuck wanted to hang out?

No. Not anymore.

He called the emergency police number with shaky hand as Jeno stared at him, still grinning like he had done nothing.

But Donghyuck had enough. He realized he couldn't keep Jeno away from darkness anymore. It was of no use. & He didn't want to think how many times Jeno had made him fool making him think that Jeno had changed.

"Hello? Busan police-"

"I wanna report a murder." Donghyuck's voice was firm as he stared at Jeno without blinking.

& Jeno he just let out a chuckle as if he found the situation amusing before his grip on the knife tightened once again.


	15. Winning [TW]

_**8th January, 2017** _   
_**1:30am** _

  
Jaemin woke up to small feathery kisses on his face. His lips automatically stretched into a content smile as he snuggled close to the other boy, wrapping an arm around the others torso. 

  
"You're late today. Been waiting for you." Jaemin brethed in the musky smell of the other boy. He smelt a bit different today. 

_Maybe he changed his perfume...._

I missed you..."

  
Jaemin's voice was small. He was still half asleep. But that barely stopped him from clinging to the other boy. Jaemin wasn't sure if he heard it right. He felt like he heard a small chuckle.

  
A chuckle that felt too familiar. 

  
Jaemin eyes opened on their own. Sleepiness wearing off with that familiar chuckle. He felt like he knew who dotori was. Buy couldn't pinpoint it. He slowly untangled himself from the other boy before bringing his hand upward hesitantly.

  
He wanted to touch Dotori's face. He wanted to believe he was lucky today to hear his laugh. So maybe...maybe he would know how his love looked like today too.

  
& God really blessed him with all the luck he ever believed he could get.

Jaemin's breath hitched as his fingers touched Dotori's face for the first time. Jaemin felt tears pricking his eyes as his fingers slowly traced the other's face; from his jaw to eyes to nose to his soft lips. He maped the whole face trying to create an image inside his mind. Jaemin shuddered when a hand held his not letting him pull away before pressing soft kisses on each of his fingertips.

A lone tear finally escaped his eyes. & His dotori was there to catch it.

It wasn't long when Jaemin felt himself pushed back on his back, head thrown to a side while his hands tightly grabbed the bedsheet below him as Dotori left trail of kisses all over his neck.

  
It was different. Different than usual as a hand snaked around his throat in the midst of all these.

& suddenly Jaemin felt it hard to breath.

_**An hour ago~** _

  
_**12:30am** _   
_**Busan Local Hospital** _

"Sir! Try to focus here! Sir!"

  
Donghyuck's eyes were hazy. He was loosing focus as his breathing came oury more erratically.

  
"Midozolam! Now!"

  
Donghyuck could faintly feel the needle dipping in his muscle. He didn't feel any pain, but he could feel slight burn as the drug was pushed in his body slowly.

  
"J-jeno-"

  
Donghyuck tried speak, but he could feel his tongue getting heavier with passing seconds. His body was slowly going numb as his breathing all of a sudden evened out.

  
"Sir- we'll look into your friend. Please calm down. He'll b-"

  
Donghyuck didn't hear the full sentence. With an image of Jeno painted in raw blood in his mind Donghyuck drifted off to sleep.

_**2:00pm** _

  
"-ope you can cooperate with us."

"Sure" 

Jeno nodded. 

"Can you tell me what happened earlier?"

Jeno stared at the white sheet at the edge of his bed blankly for a few seconds. As if he was trying to gather his thoughts.

  
The officer waited patiently for him, for which Jeno was thankful. It was almost a minute later when Jeno finally spoke up.

  
"I...got a text... From Yubin. He wanted to meet."

"Why?"

"I got him detention earlier that morning...." Jeno sighed. "He... I saw him tripping...a student & then acting to help him the next second. The other student...well he was blind & Yubin was taking advantage of it."

"How?"

"When I confronted him later he told me he...." Jeno gripped the bedsheet tightly, "...liked the other student & it was just a way to talk to him"

  
Silence.

  
"So you put him to detention?"

  
"I.... was angry at his doings" Jeno admitted. "So i gave him the detention slip.

  
"So he called you late night to talk about that?" Officer asked raising an eyebrow obviously not believing what Jeno said.

  
"No... He found out...." Jeno paused for a few seconds, "He found out I liked the boy too."

  
"You mean the blind boy? What's his name?"

  
Jeno nodded hesitantly.

  
"Jaemin..."

  
"Wait... You mean Na Jaemin? The one of the victims from last years student murder case?!" 

Jeno nodded once again.

"What happened then?"

"We met in the park behind SMH. But I was late. I didn't know if I should go meet him or not. I was confused. But when I went there I saw him arguing with someone." Jeno paused.

"I walked close to them to see if anything was wrong. Because Yubin...he looked scared. & All of a sudden Yubin pulled out a knife from his pocket & aimed at the other person."

Jeno closed his eyes as he took a deep breath. He felt like he was reliving the scenerio once again.

"But before Yubin could stab him it was the other man who stabbed Yubin." Jeno's pupil was shaking, eyes lined with unshed tears.

"I tried to help. I yelled out loud. But Yubin was already down by then. & I had a injury on my leg." Jeno's voice sounded heavy, filled with grief. "The man then threatened me to pull Yubin behind the bush otherwise he'd attack me. I was so fucking scared... I was...." Jeno choked on his words as tears stremed down from his eyes.

"Try to calm down Jeno. Take deep breath.. yeah.. good. Take your time okay?"

Jeno was breathing heavily. He was breathing like he ran a mile.

"We hid behind the bush. We heard a few girls, they walked by us. I wanted to call for help, but then I realized I couldn't. I was injured & calling the girls could be dangerous for them as I couldn't help much. By the time the girls left the man...that monster stated that Yubin was dead. I lost hope. I-"

Jeno sobbed loudly.

"I felt so fucking scared just like a coward! The man was insane! He kept stabbing Yubin's body like it was a pillow! He was a psycho! He gauged out Yubin's eyes it was then when I couldn't take anymore & lunged at him. Trying to stop him."

Officer glanced at the nurse who rushed inside with medicines & injections. Clearly for Jeno. He was getting out of control. He was panicking.

"Donghyuck....he found us later... I- I remember him staring at us horrified. Me pulling out the knife from my abdomen & then him calling someone. I didn't know who it was... I could barely hear him.... I felt light-headed. Like i was losing my grasp on my life when Donghyuck rushed to me yelling at me to stay awake.... But.... I couldn't."

Jeno stopped. Fresh tears kept falling from his eyes as choked sob were escaping his dry lips. He could feel his whole body throbbing in pain. He Stressed himself too much.

Jeno cried like a child while the nurses ushered everyone out of the room. Soon he felt the niddle entering his skin before he slowly lost his conscious with a smirk on his face.

  
_I'm winning Hyuck. Slowly. But surely._

  
But was he really?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter.
> 
> I'm a bit sick recently :( got pleuritis & earache all of a sudden :'(
> 
> Will give u a longer update when I get better!
> 
> Till then stay safe & healthy! ❤️
> 
> Also do let me know about what u think of this chapter 👀


	16. Who?

_**27th January, 2017** _

“Jaemin? Can I talk to you for a moment?”

Jaemin smiled as he recognized the voice. He turned to his left where the older was & nodded, “Of course Hyuck hyung.”

  
  
  
  


“How have you been doing hyung?”

Jaemin’s voice was filled with worries & concerns for the older boy. It had been three weeks since the incident took place. Almost three weeks of Yubin’s murder, attack on Jeno & Donghyuck finding their bodies. Jaemin remembered how hard it was for everyone in the school, especially on Jeno & Donghyuck. Both had been missing from school since then. Jaemin had visited Jeno after the latter was mentally stable. But he couldn’t find Donghyuck there. He tried to call him, but it was switched off. Jeno said Donghyuck was mentally scarred after the event that Donghyuck had been having hallucinations & nightmares. So he had been referred to psychiatrist. But Donghyuck was stubborn & unwilling to comply. So he left the hospital after a week & since then he was coped up in his own room. Donghyuck’s mom came to visit Jeno every day after work & filling him about Donghyuck’s condition. 

That day while Jeno was talking about Donghyuck he sounded so dejected that it almost broke Jaemin’s heart. Jeno was worried for Donghyuck even when he was the one with multiple stabs in his body. Jaemin found those two best friends lucky; lucky that they had each other.

“Should I answer that honestly?” Donghyuck let out a small chuckle as he handed Jaemin a small carton of juice.

Jaemin thought for a moment before answering, “If that helps you to lessen your burden then you should hyung. Renjun once said that I’m a good listener.” Jaemin laughed making the other smile too. “But it’s totally up to you hyung. You don’t need to tell me if yo-“

“I’m miserable Jaem” Donghyuck’s small voice stopped Jaemin.

“I can’t sleep properly. I couldn’t even eat when my mom cooked all my favorite dishes for past few days.” Donghyuck sighed making Jaemin’s heart ache for his older hyung. 

“I-I feel like a fucking failure Jaemin. I could’ve stopped everything. I could’ve saved him but I-“ Donghyuck stopped not being able to complete the sentence. Yubin’s face kept flashing in front of his eyes, then his bloodied body. But unknown to him, Jaemin thought the other was talking about Jeno. After all Jeno & Donghyuck were best friends for years. It was natural for them to feel guilty in this situation even though it wasn’t their fault to begin with.

“Hyung, it wasn’t your fault” Jaemin blindly reached for Donghyuck’s hand & squeezing it softly to let him know that Jaemin was there for him. “Jen hyung too, had been upset that he couldn’t do much to help you. He had been feeling guilty for not being there for you when you needed him the most.”

Donghyuck felt an ugly feeling crawling inside his chest as soon as Jaemin said the last line. Jeno was guilty? Donghyuck wanted to laugh because that wasn’t possible. Jeno was a psychopath with no remorse of his deeds. He was a fucking murdered with no feelings.

Lee Jeno never felt guilty of his actions. Whether that killed or saved other, Jeno never bat an eye to it.

“He was so worried when he couldn't reach you after you went home. He held himself guilty for not able to help you. But you both should know it wasn't your fault. You two were victims just as Yubin hyung was"

Donghyuck closed his eyes, tired of Jeno's lies. How could he even compare himself to Yubin?! Donghyuck felt like punching the shit out of Jeno. & He was worried for Donghyuck?

Was proving his best friend of years as a mentally disoriented person counted as Jeno being worried for him?!

Donghyuck still felt anger & frustration rushing in his vain when the police didn't even believe him. He said again & again that Jeno did it, Jeno killed Yubin. But then they asked if he had seen Jeno killing Yubin with his own eyes. Donghyuck couldn't reply. He screamed that Jeno hurt himself to deceive everyone & this time he told him that he saw it with his own eyes.

But then Jeno didn't deny his statement, but he turned the way of the case by saying he did stab himself in his legs hoping the pain would help him not to lose consciousness. He just made every allegation of Donghyuck false with his cunning statements & plans.

& Then all of a sudden Donghyuck was taken to a Psychiatrist saying that he was making up things. They told him that he was too shaken up, too disoriented to choose between right & wrong. He was being stubborn over a false story & he needed help.

But Donghyuck didn't need any help. He needed to get away from those brainwashed people. He needed to stay alone in peace. So he said 'fuck you' & left the hospital at the end of the week while Jeno was still being treated for his own stabs.

It took him 2 more weeks to get to a final decision. A decision of what he wanted to do. He couldn't just let Jeno roam out in the city, ready to kill anyone coming for Jaemin. Yes, he understood well what Jeno was doing.

Jeno had become obsessed over their blind friend. & It was way too toxic & dangerous for anyone who was close to Jaemin & Jaemin himself.

He didn't want Jaemin to live a life with a monster. Who knew when Jeno's so called love for Jaemin would vanish, taking along the obsession with it. Then Jeno would feel nothing for the poor boy & perhaps one day Jaemin would face the same fate that the other's faced because of Jeno.

Jaemin needed to be free. & Donghyuck took it upon himself to make sure that Jeno would be gone from Jaemin's life forever.

  
  


So he finally decided to come to school after three weeks of absence just to talk with Jaemin.

  
  


Jaemin was still holding Donghyuck's hands tightly in order to make Donghyuck feel that he wasn't alone.

"I know it's hard. That was something which would remain in your memory forever. Trust me I know" Donghyuck assumed Jaemin was talking about the mass murder of his abusers last year. He felt his heart clench for the poor boy.

"Don't worry hyung. Me, Injun, Lucas hyung, Jen hyung… we all are with you. You don't need to suffer alone or for something that you couldn't control. Please know that we'll always be here."

  
  


_ You won't be Jaem. You need to run away. As far as possible. & I'm sorry for what I'm about to do to make sure that happens. I'm sorry Jaemin. But I hope one day you'll realize what I did was to keep you safe. _

  
  


"Hyung? You okay?" Jaemin asked worriedly when Donghyuck didn't reply, "Is there any problem hyung? Should I call Injun?" Worry laced in Jaemin's soft voice, but Donghyuck couldn't care about that now.

Donghyuck wasn't okay. But he needed Jaemin to be okay.

"Jaem…. Do you remember the person who killed those students last year? But spared you…" Donghyuck was looking at Jaemin like a hawk. His voice was small but steady, making sure what he would say next wouldn't cause any kind of doubt in Jaemin's head.

But what surprised him was the way Jaemin's smile faltered, his grip on Donghyuck's hand loosened as his eyes moved like….he was panicking?

_ Was he still scared? _

Then again who wouldn't be.

  
  


"H-hyung...why a-are you suddenly talki-"

"It was him Jaemin. The one who killed Yubin… he was the same person who killed those boys last year"

Donghyuck could see the way Jaemin started to breath heavily. Jaemin was shaking as his visionless eyes frantically moved not knowing what to do. He was having a panic attack for real.

"N-no… N-no it can't be!" Jaemin's voice was trembling as he suddenly stood up from the bench making Donghyuck worried that he'd trip & fall.

"It is him Jaemin. He's obsessed with you. He fucking killed Yubin because the poor boy liked you!" Donghyuck whisper yelled while trying to hold Jaemin's shaking body. He knew he was scaring the poor boy, but he had no other choice. He just hoped Jaemin would be strong enough when Donghyuck would put a name on that obsessed killer.

  
  


"Y-you're lying! You're lying hyung! H-he can't be-"

"Jaemin i saw him with my own eyes! Je-"

"Then you saw it wrong! He was with me that night! In my room! He didn't do anything!"

Donghyuck was now staring at the blind boy with wide eyes. His ears were refusing to believe what Jaemin just said. What the hell did Jaemin mean that Jeno was with him when Jeno was just in front of him stabbing himself like a psychopath that night?!

  
  


"Jaemin what the hell are you talking about?! Who was with you?!"

"I swear it wasn't him! He was with me! H-"

& Before Jaemin could say anything more his vision blacked out as he fell limp on Donghyuck. Donghyuck hurriedly took him to the school nurse telling her that the younger had a panic attack.

While the nurse took care of Jaemin, Donghyuck's mind was running faster than light. 

What did Jaemin mean by Jeno was with him? How could a person be at two different places at the same time? & Why the hell would Jeno be doing with Jaemin at 1am of the night? Did Jeno confess to Jaemin already? But if he did then why didn't Donghyuck know about it?

But what worried & scared Donghyuck the most was the person who was with Jaemin that night.

If Jeno was with Donghyuck, then who was with Jaemin?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know who you think it was 👀


	17. Unplanned

_**February, 2017** _

Everything was planned. Every fucking scene was played inside his head even before they happened in real life.

But then again some things were out of Jeno's control. They were like the by products of the final result. Some came out good & some were bad.

But what Jeno didn't expect was the result of his recent mishap would cost him his sanity. Almost a month away from Jaemin, & Jeno was almost on the edge of breaking inside thr younger's house. 

But of course he couldn't. Not without exposing himself to everyone, not without the risk of losing Jaemin forever.

  
"So I talked to your principal this morning." 

Jeno looked up to see his older brother leaning against the doorframe of his room. His brother had suddenly came back two days after the incident. Truth to be told Jeno didn't expect him to come to hospital acting as his gardian. But then again his brother had always been unpredictable & besides, Jeno needed someone who could convince the police & the fucking doctor that someone would be there to take care of him if they let him go. So when his brother rushed inside his cabin, crying his eyes out for Jeno, the latter acted along.

He just needed to get out from that shit hole. & If acting all too cozy with his so-called brother helped him with that, Jeno would do it without any second thought.

"I thought I told you to leave." Jeno simply replied, eyes once again back to the book infront of him.

"Tsk.tsk.tsk. still ungrateful." His brother tsked as he slumped down on the bed lazily. "You should be thankful that I got you out from the hospital kid."

"I didn't ask you too. Besides you showing up didn't do any good. I had to stay there for almost a month." Jeno said plainly, eyes still stuck to his physics book. His brother snickered before getting up from the bed.

"Your principal said you can take the final exams. You won't need to attend the last week classes, just attend the exam. It seems all the teachers they were really fond of you." The last line came out sarcastic making Jeno finally look up at his brother who was now smirking down at him.

"They don't know do they Jeno?" His brother's voice was smooth & low, like he didn't want anyone other than Jeno to hear him. & It made Jeno's eyes twitch.

"They don't know the real you do they Lee Jeno?"   
His brother smiled at him not so innocently. 

"Well... Do YOU know me?" Jeno fired back making his brother's lips spilt into a wide grin.

"Of course I do! No one knows my you, my lil brother more than me!" his brother's eyes flashed something, something Jeno didn't like. "Not even you Jeno."

& Then suddenly Jeno was once again alone in his room. His brother never failed to hit his nerves. & Jeno wanted to scoff remembering what just his brother said.

_He knows me better than myself? What a joke..._

  
The exams started after 2weeks. & Jeno felt relief washing over him knowing he'd finally be able to see Jaemin again. He hadn't seen the boy for last 3 weeks. With his physical condition it wasn't even possible to visit the other boy in his house as Dotori. 

_He must be worried about me. Does he wait for me every night?_

Jeno wondered all the time. He got worried when Jaemin stopped responding to his messages after 26th January. Jeno contacted Renjun & found out his boy fainted on 27th in the school & was sent home later with his mom. Since then the boy didn't even attend the last week's classes. But what worried him most was who took Jaemin to the nurse after he fainted.

  
_"Hyuck hyung was with him at that moment. They were in the back garden I think? Hyuck hyung wanted to talk with Nana, but then suddenly I found him carrying Nana to the nurse."_

  
Donghyuck talked with Jaemin. Jeno wondered what could they've talked about that day? What was Donghyuck trying to do? Was he trying to warn Jaemin? But then again he didn't have any proof.

Did he?

The first thing Jeno noticed after stepping inside the school hall was surprised looks from the students & his classmates. Many came to talk with him, wishing him faster recovery & Jeno greeted them back with his practiced smile. His eyes searched for the familiar boy among the crowds, & finally landed on the figure sitting quietly at the end of hallways with headphones in his ears.

Most probably listening to the chapters Renjun recorded for him earlier.

Jeno found the corner of his lips curving upward as he excused himself from the other students. He was already halfway to Jaemin when he stopped on his track suddenly. It was Donghyuck, standing beside Jaemin, smirking at him.

_Why? Why is he smirking like this?_

_What did he do?_

Jeno pushed his worries back in mind as he decided to walk forward, to Jaemin & Donghyuck. Donghyuck seemed to be amused for some reason before he slowly bent down to Jaemin's ear level. Jeno felt his breath stuck in his lungs as Donghyuck pulled out a headphone from Jaemin's ears & whispered something. Jeno didn't know what he told the younger boy, but by the time Jeno was in front of the other two Jaemin looked restless.

Jeno needed to talk with Donghyuck. But not now.

  
"Hey Nana..." Jeno greeted Jaemin with a soft smile, voice had no trace of the worries that were riling him up from the inside. The the way Jaemin flinched hearing his voice was a stab to his worried heart.

"J-Jeno hyung! How are you?" Jaemin stammered, eyes darting to everywhere.

Jeno sent Donghyuck a hard glare before looking back at the younger boy in front of him. 

"I'm better. It doesn't hurt much if I don't do any physical exercise. What about you? You didn't reply to any of my texts?" Jeno asked while sitting beside Jaemin. But as soon as his legs touched Jaemin's accidentally Jaemin sprung up from his seat & excused himself to look for Renjun. Jeno was about to follow the other knowing it was hard for him to find Renjun alone, also he needed to talk with Jaemin alone to find out what Donghyuck said to him earlier. But as soon as he stood up Donghyuck was standing in front of him, smiling like before.

"Hey Jen! You didn't even greet me today!"

Jeno's eyes harden at the sight of his best friend acting all smiley as if he didn't just blocked his way.

"The hell did you tell him?" Jeno's voice was dangerously low & cold sending shiver down to Donghyuck's spine. Donghyuck felt scared. He had never seen Jeno talking or looking at him like this. But no matter how scared he felt he didn't let it show on his face.

"Why Jen? Curious?" Donghyuck smirked at Jeno whose eyes twitched in irritation. 

"You don't wanna play games with me Hyuck. You really don't." Jeno warned Donghyuck. But Donghyuck on the otherhand felt victorious, he was getting on Jeno's nerve. 

Na Jaemin was really a special case in Jeno's life after all.

All of Jeno's crimes revolved around Na Jaemin. For Na Jaemin, Jeno could go to any length, couldn't he?

Donghyuck chuckled, "What are you saying Jen? We've been playing hide & seek from long ago." Donghyuck then took a step close to Jeno, but Jeno didn't move from his place.

"Or are you gonna finally finish the game you started?" Donghyuck wasn't smiling anymore. "Are you gonna kill me like Yubin?" Donghyuck's stared at Jeno with anger evident in his eyes.

"For Jaemin.... I can do anything Hyuck." Jeno replied without even breaking their eye contact. "Even if that means I'd need to finish the game I started years ago."

The statement hit Donghyuck like a truck. He knew. He fucking knew that the Jeno he knew was long gone, he vanished in the darkness of the night years ago. & His care for Donghyuck was long gone since his eyes landed on Na Jaemin. But still Donghyuck hoped, hoped that Jeno would remember him, their friendship.

But it seems like Jeno couldn't see anything or anyone that wasn't Na Jaemin anymore. He was becoming Jaemin's eyes slowly, caging the latter only for those eyes. 

& This made Donghyuck more determined to get the blind boy away from Jeno.

_**28 February, 2017** _

"Did he come here again?!"

Jaemin flinched hearing his mom shouting again. He stumbled back afraid, when his mom kept asking him about Dotori. 

"Where did you get this mark from?! When did he come?!" Mrs. Na yelled frustrated. He had warned the other boy not to hang around Jaemin again. But yet the boy didn't listen. Her blood boiled as her eyes gaze burned Jaemin's already bruised neck.

_The hell that boy was doing to Jaemin?!_

"Mom please, h-he's not b-bad-"

"Shut up! I told you not to meet him again, didn't I?! I tried to be patient with you! But what are you doing?! Destroying your own life?! Is that you wa-"

"I love him!" Jaemin suddenly yelled out making his mom stare at him with wide eyes. "I love him mom! H-he loves me too...." Jaemin was crying, "Please don't take him away from me!" Jaemin begged. He didn't want to be alone again. He didn't want to be feel unloved & alone again. He wanted nothing more than that.

But Mrs. Na knew that it was no love. That boy didn't love her son unlike the latter did. Mrs. Na remembered how fake that boy's emotions were. Too perfect, to he true. He talked about Jaemin as if he was reading a well written scrip of some romantic movie. It couldn't be love.

But seeing her son crying & begging like this made her heart ache. It was her fault that her son was looking for love from someone else. She had failed to give Jaemin the love he deserved, he needed. But that didn't mean she would let that boy ruin Jaemin's life. 

With that in mind she locked Jaemin in her own room. Exams were over, there was no way for the boy to see Jaemin outside the house. She reduced the security for that night, hoping the boy would be able to get inside Jaemin's room easily that night. 

  
_Ring..ring...ri_ -

"Hello? Can I talk to officer Lee?"

Mrs. Na waited for a few seconds before she was greeted with a familiar voice.

"Hello. Officer Lee speaking."

"Taeyong-ah. I need a favor."

"Mrs. Na? What happened? Is everything okay?"

Taeyong sounded worried. Mrs. Na hummed before her eyes landed on a shadow in their garden.

"Help me file a complaint tomorrow. & If possible, just make a draft today." Mrs. Na's eyes followed the shadow as it slowly approached toward the side where Jaemin's room's window was. "He's harassing your brother."

"Wait-what?!" Mrs. Lee could hear Taeyong talking in rush with someone on the other side before he once again replied to her, "Please tell me the details, I'm recording the call."

It took Mrs. Na about a minute to mention the name & about their short meeting at the cafe as she walked toward Jaemin's room. 

"-is here. In Jaemin's room."

"What? Aunty call the security! I'll be there in 10minu-"

"No. Let me talk to him today. If he doesn't listen.... Then take action." 

".......... Are you sure? I can-"

"Taeyong. Let me handle tonight. Then Jaemin's custody & that boy's fate both are yours."


	18. Identity

_**27th February, 2017** _

"Hey where are you?"

"Injun, I'm kinda busy tonight. I need to study for the exam. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Hyung, you didn't call me yesterday."

"Sorry, been preoccupied. Had some family programs going on here."

  
"I thought you were studying? Then what are you doing with you friends?"

"We're planning to do a group study. Do you think I'd lie to you?"

Renjun didn't know what to answer. Because he knew Lucas was lying to him. He had overheard their plan to go karaoke today. When did their relationship started to fall like this?

  
Renjun sighed before he finally pressed the bell. He could hear a familiar voice yelling to wait. 

"Hey, come inside."

Renjun sent Donghyuck a tight lipped smile as he walked passed the older boy into his house. Donghyuck's house was pretty average but cozy. Donghyuck's home reminded Renjun of his own family house in China. Well decorated with small articles & colored with soft colors making the house looking lively. 

"My mom isn't here. She left for work earlier." Donghyuck said as he took them to the second floor to his room. Renjun just nodded in understanding as he followed the older. The second floor had 2 bedrooms. One to their left another to their right.

Donghyuck entered the left one & Renjun followed, but not before noticing a small placard with Jeno's name on the other room's door.

"Jeno hyung has a room here?" Renjun asked a bit surprised to which Donghyuck nodded.

"Yeah, when we moved here Jeno used ro live with us for first few months. My mom treated him like his second son, so she got him a room with me on the 2nd floor & she took the one beside kitchen in the down floor." Donghyuck explained while gesturing Renjun to sit on the bed.

"Then why did he move to school dorm? Wasn't this place more convenient?" Renjun asked confused.

"Yeah... But he never really liked to depend or burden anyone. Even though we told him he was no burden he still insisted to move. & Mom respected his decision knowing he was... Just being himself." Donghyuck offered a smile hoping to end their conversation about Jeno. & Seemed like Renjun too had no more confusion or interest to know about Jeno's life as he suddenly moved on to their main topic.

"Nana isn't acting like usual. He's more jumpy, more scared even though he tries not to show it" Renjun sighed. He wasn't used to see Jaemin like this. "Do you think it was a good idea to tell him about the killer?" Renjun asked doubting their plan.

Donghyuck had been frowning too while questioning their decision. But was there any other way? 

"That was the best decision at that moment. We needed to alert him." Donghyuck replied.

"I know I know. It seemed like.. not it was the best decision. But seeing him being worried all the time is just making me rethink about everything. He is scared hyung. For himself & for Jeno hyung." Renjun stated worriedly. It was clearly evident that he was too worried for those two. 

But Donghyuck on the other hand scoffed mentally. 

  
_Only if you knew what Jeno was doing. You wouldn't be saying this now Renjun._

  
Donghyuck was in a tough place. There was no way that anyone would believe Jeno was the main culprit behind murder of Yubin. & Then again there was another person who was also obsessed with Jaemin. He had initially thought that the last year's mass murder was Jeno's doing; even Kim Yuna's disappearance was also too Jeno's doing.

But after his talk with Jaemin on the school on 27th, Donghyuck wasn't sure anymore. Who was dotori? Why did Jaemin assumed Donghyuck was talking about dotori when infact Donghyuck was about say Jeno's name. Everything was complicated.

Then came Renjun, suddenly cornering him after school on 27th asking him about what he knew about Dotori. He had overheard Jaemin & Donghyuck's conversation. From him Donghyuck found out about Dotori, the person responsible for the mass murder of last year. Renjun told him everything that Jaemin told him. 

From that Donghyuck came into a conclusion that-

1\. Dotori & Jeno weren't the same person.

  
2\. But both were obsessed with Jaemin & psycho enough to kill people for Jaemin.

  
& 3\. None of them was a safe option for Jaemin.

  
Donghyuck found it tough to state his thoughts & plans without making himself look like a crazy person right now. But knowing how protective Renjun was Donghyuck decided to plant small ideas in Renjun's head. If someone could help him freeing Jaemin, it was only Renjun.

  
"Renjun-ah... Have you...have you ever thought about finding out about Dotori's identity?" Donghyuck asked. 

Renjun immediately nodded, "Of course. But...." Renjun sighed, "I didn't want to put Nana or myself in danger by doing that. I know it was almost selfish but-"

"Nononono! It wasn't selfish to think like that Renjun-ah" Donghyuck interrupted Renjun knowing how hard it must had been for the younger to keep everything to himself all these time. Besides, Donghyuck did something like this too when Jeno first showed his true color infront of him.

  
"It is totally normal to think like that. But I think it's time to finally find out the identity of Dotori" Donghyuck suggested.

"I remember clearly how obsessed a person could be Renjun-ah." Donghyuck remembered how Jeno acted like psycho in front of him that night, how he stabbed himself just to prove that he was too a victim. "These people.... They don't have any remorse of their deeds" Donghyuck closed his eyes, he could still hear Jeno's sarcastic laughs. He felt it hard to breathe.

When Donghyuck opened his eyes again his breathing became normal again. He shook his head to get rid of that image of Jeno from his head. When he finally looked at Renjun after a while, he seemed worried for Donghyuck.

Donghyuck gave a weary smile to Renjun.

"Are you okay hyung?" Renjun's voice was laced with worries.

_I'm not_.

"I'll be soon" Donghyuck replied with a small smile making Renjun nod slowly.

  
"Hyung.... Don't you think... We should tell Jeno hyung about our plan?" Renjun suddenly suggested making Donghyuck's eyes going wide.

"He... He clearly likes Jaemin. & I'm sure he'd be very much glad to help us out, to help Nana out hyung." Renjun said eagerly.

But this wasn't something Donghyuck wanted. As much as he hated Jeno for being a obsessive psycho, he still cared for his best friend. He didn't want Jeno to rile up & start a killing mission again knowing Jaemin was already with someone. 

"No." Donghyuck immediately declined the idea making Renjun frown.

"What? Why? Did you see how desperate he looked everytime Nana avoided him during the exam time? Even Nana was sad for avoiding a friend like this!" Renjun tried to defend his idea but Donghyuck was having none of it.

"We can't Renjun we can't!" Donghyuck stood up from where he was sitting. He started to pace around the room frustrated. 

"Listen Renjun. I don't wanna take any risk with Jeno. I told you right?" Donghyuck said desperately. 

"I know hyung! You don't wanna put Jeno hyung in a risky situation again. But he's good for Jaemin. Maybe he can even help us with finding out Dotori & the other killer that attacked you guys? Just think about it! He is only one who was attacked & survived from the othe psycho! Maybe he could lure the other one & we can-"

"NO" Donghyuck yelled suddenly making Renjun flinch in fear. Donghyuck took a huge breath trying to calm himself down. He tried to think. He tried to think hard what to say. 

What should he say that would make Renjun understand that Jaemin being away from Jeno was actually good idea.

"I'm sorry. I just-" Donghyuck sighed as he sat infront of the other boy who was still shaken up.

"Renjun" Donghyuck's voice softened as he noticed Renjun's teary eyes. "You can't just out Jeno out there & risk his life again." Donghyuck tried to make up a theory in his mind. "It's dangerous for Jeno to be with Jaemin now. The killer already tried to kill Jeno once because he knew about Jeno's crush on Jaemin. He even killed Yubin for the same reason." Donghyuck reasoned.

"Jaemin avoiding him to save him from any kind potential risk. We can't just pull Jeno into our plan & ruin Jaemin's effort like this, can we?" Donghyuck hoped Renjun would finally understand & to his luck Renjun did. Renjun sniffed as he nodded his head in affirmation.

Donghyuck felt relieved for the time. He softly ruffled Renjun's hair as he apologized once again for yelling, making Renjun shake his head.

Renjun wanted Donghyuck to know that he didn't need to apologise again. But suddenly a thought came to his mind. Something that sent a shiver down his spine.

"H-hyung..." Renjun looked up at Donghyuck with wide eyes as his mind started to race a mile per second.

"What?" Donghyuck asked curious.

"D-dotori... & That other killer... D-do you think they both are from our school? Or else how'd they know that Nana was trapped in the school last year? Or about Yubin & Jeno hyung's crush on Nana?! They- are they hiding in between us?!" Renjun voice shook in fear of the two psycho being so close to them all these time.

& Donghyuck on the other hand froze in his place. Lips parted in surprise. Of course he knew about Jeno from the last incident, but dotori, Jaemin's love interest being in the school watching their every move- the thought was enough to set panic in his mind.

"We need to find out who's dotori Renjun-ah. As soon as possible." Donghyuck's whispered, mind too messed up to think about anything at that moment.

& Renjun agreed too.

_**28th February, 2017** _

_**1:05am** _

  
Donghyuck & Renjun had been hiding behind the trees on the opposite of Na house for an hour now. They wore all black hoping to fade in the darkness of the night.

Donghyuck hissed in irritation while slapping his left hand over his exposed right arm.

"Fucking mosquito!" Donghyuck cursed making Renjun giggle softly at his childishness.

"See that's why you should wear full sleeve while spying" Renjun teased the older who in return just rolled his eyes.

"Remind me next time officer fox" Donghyuck smirked making Renjun gape at him.

"Will do officer Pudu" Renjun replied.

"Who Pudu what pu- wait who's that?!" Donghyuck suddenly ducked lower pulling Renjun along with him. Both of them stared at the dark tall figure wearing a dark colored hoodie with batted breathe.

The figure was walking around the Na house for last 10minutes. Every now & then he would try to steal a glance inside over the wall. Both Donghyuck & Renjun knew they had found the person they were looking for. They waited to see if the figure would go inside or not. 

But another 5minute passed. The tall figure was still roaming outside the house, now checking out the streets. Maybe to check if any person was there. & After a while when he saw no one he pulled out something from his hoodie's pocket. 

It was a mobile. & As soon as the screen light flashed on the the face of the figure Renjun found himself losing his balance in shock. If it wasn't for Donghyuck he surely would've fallen on the ground.

It was none other than Lucas, who soon pocketed his phone back inside his pocket & hurriedly climbed inside the Na house. 

On the other hand, Donghyuck was tightly hugging the smaller boy to his chest, while Renjun cried from the pain of his broken heart.


	19. Dreadful end of the past pt.1 [TW]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read it, just remember none of the characters are like this in real life. This is just a fiction, where I just used their names.
> 
> Please remind yourself not to hate anyone just for a fic.

_ **28th February, 2017** _

Lucas blankly stared at the lady infront of him. He wasn't expecting this, but then again he wasn't really surprised to see her waiting for him in Jaemin's room. He guessed the hickies on Jaemin's body did the job.

"I told you to stay away from my son, didn't I?" Mrs. Na's voice was strict & cold. But it didn't seem to bother Lucas.

"I don't take orders from you." Lucas immediately replied as he casually stood infront of Mrs. Na. He was clearly trying to rile her up.

"Well then who do you take order from? Your parents? Or your friends? Or maybe, from Xiao Dejun?" Mrs. Na smirked when he saw Lucas freeze when she said Dejun's name.

Lucas stared at the lady in front of him in disbelief. He couldn't believe what he just heard.

_Did she just take Dejun's name?!_

"What? Cat got your tongue Wong Yukhei? You miss that bastard?"

Lucas gritted his teeth in anger. How dare she talked about Dejun like that?!

"You can't talk about him like this" Lucas warned in a low voice. His eyes were hard, they looked like they could kill if it was possible at that moment.

Mrs. Na felt scared. But she couldn't let it show. She needed to free her son.

"Why this is what he deserved to be called after what he had done. Don't you agree?" Mrs. Na asked taking a step toward Lucas.

"You love Jaemin right? So you must agree with me. Right? Or you're a coward Wong Yukhei. Just like D-"

"What do you want?" Lucas voice was shaking in anger.

Mrs. Na smirked seeing her plan worked.

"I wanted you to leave my son alone. I still want that. You. Should never be seen with Jaemin in this life. If you want me not to expose you to the police." Mrs. Na demanded.

Lucas gritted his teeth in rage. He was failing. His plan was failing & he couldn't do anything.

"Leave. My son & this city within next 3days. Or else, I'll make sure neither you nor your parents would be able to show your face here without getting humiliated every time & you..." Mrs. Na was now a feet away from a raging Lucas, " will rot in prison for harassing my son."

Lucas threw the first thing he saw in his room before breaking multiple things in his room. He was angry. He was annoyed. He was frustrated.

All his plan was failing miserably. He was being forced to move. His family was being threatened. 

& Then there was Jaemin. Was he gonna live happily ever after?! No fucking way Lucas was gonna let him off so easily.

Jaemin couldn't be happy. Not after destroying lives. 

Suddenly Jeno's face flashed in his mind.

_Lee Jeno. The psycho bastard_.

He claimed that he loved Jaemin, didn't he? What will happen if.... If he himself ruins Jaemin's life?

A sinister grin spreaded on Lucas's lips. Everything would fall into place. Just how Lucas wanted.

He needed to make a plan. He needed to get everything done before he left the city. He'd make sure to scar Jaemin for his whole life.

_**3rd March, 2017** _

**_ 4:52pm _ **

"W-where are we going?" Jaemin asked worriedly. He felt scared. Eloping from home was never in his bucket list, but here he was walking behind Dotori, holding the hem of the other's shirt for directions.

But as usual Dotori didn't reply.

Jaemin had been in the other's house many times. So he kinda had an idea how long it could take to dotori's house. He knew he had to take a train. He then would need to pass through a small market.

But today none of it happened. He let dotori drag himself to a new place much closer to his own home.

Jaemin wondered how this was called eloping. When Dotori suddenly appeared in his house this afternoon Jaemin was clearly surprised. He didn't expect dotori coming back in the Na house after whatever went down between his mom & three nights ago. & Truth to be told, when Dotori offered him to run away with him, he didn't even thought about his mother for once. He just grabbed other's hand & ran away.

"Where are we?" Jaemin asked again when he was guided inside. Wherever he was, it smelt old, like it was closed off for a long tym. He blindly tried to touch things around him. But nothing was there within his reach.

"Dotori?" Jaemin called out the other. But no one replied. Jaemin felt scared. Where was the other boy? 

Jaemin carefully took a few steps forward, hands still stretched in front him in an attempt to get hold of something or a particular someone.

"D-dotori? Can you please hold m-my hand?" Jaemin's fears were evident in his voice. But a minute passed, yet no sign of Dotori.

Jaemin was now panicking. He was almost shaking when suddenly a hand roughly grabbed his hand & dragged him to somewhere.

Jaemin felt everything was wrong. Why was Dotori acting like this?! He tried to free his hand, but it only tightened around his wrist. 

It was hurting. & Jaemin, he was panicking.

Suddenly Jaemin's hands were realesed but not before harshly tugging him forward, almost making him fall.

"W-what happ-"

Jaemin couldn't even finish the sentence when someone suddenly started force him out from his cloths.

Now Jaemin's heart fell, scared of what was happening. He screamed, begging Dotori that he didn't wanted to do anything physical. But met with only silence. Jaemin fought. He fought as much as he could, but his strength was obviously no match with Dotori's.

Jaemin felt everything unfair as the last piece of garment was stripped away from his body. He was crying hard, crying like the day he cried when those students attacked him in the school.

No. Today he was crying because someone he trusted was doing this to him. He kept crying & begging, but it didn't stop dotori.

Then he started scream for help, he kept screaming for someone to save him. But no one heard him. No one came to save him

He was pushed down on his knees harshly, making his knees getting scratched from the rough concrete below him.

Soon his begging & crying turned into pained whimper as the other thrusted inside his mouth like an animal. Jaemin could only cry while the other violated & tormented him.

Jaemin felt dizzy as his body was pushed on the dirty floor. He felt energy left his body while the othe manhandled him like a broken doll. He let out a painful scream when he lower region was forcefully stretched without any warning & violated until he lost his voice. Until he lost himself.

Jaemin felt his world falling apart. His heart was broken into pieces, he was broken to the point where he felt it was impossible for him to live.

& Just before he lost his consciousness, the only thought that filled his mind was how much he hated dotori.

On the otherhand, Lucas was only grinning like a monster that he had became. He snickered seeing Jaemin's unconscious naked body on the dirty floor of the abandoned garage. He pulled out his phone & quickly snapped a few photos of Jaemin's naked form before walking toward the camera that recorded the whole ordeal. 

His laugh resonated in the empty garage when he watched the video himself. It gave him great joy seeing Jaemin like this.

Why?

Because Jaemin deserved this.

_**11:43pm** _

Love was something that Jeno never thought of or expected to have. He had always been with an empty, cold heart. When he was younger he used to think his heart was dead & he was just a ghost. But then when his drunk mom beat him up oneday for something he didn't even know about, he bled. 

  
He knew ghost didn't bleed.

  
So Jeno had to accept the fact that he was a human without a heart. No matter how funny it sounded to the others, Jeno did believe it.

  
But this theory of his soon changed when he first killed a street dog unintentionally, just to protect himself. He felt a sudden adrenaline rush in his veins as the dog bleed to death. He felt excitement consuming his whole body. & Something... something inside his chest.

Something was moving making him feel like it wanted to come out from his chest. & Jeno liked it.

He realized that he indeed had a heart after all. A dysfunctional one, but at least he had one. 

Did Jeno's dysfunctional heart beat when his mom used to beat him up for nothing?

No.

Did his heart beat when he felt other kids talking shits about him?

No.

Did he feel anything when Donghyuck suddenly invaded Jeno's personal bubble?

No.

Did he feel grateful when Donghyuck showed him a way out from his parent's house?

Maybe? He wasn't sure.

Nothing made Jeno's life more interesting & colorful other than bloods & pained screams of the ones those were his preys. Animals or humans... Both, their pained pained screams were like music to his ears. Their fearful expression made Jeno's dead heart alive again. & Jeno would do to feel that beating heart inside his chest. 

It was the only made Jeno feel euphoria & alive.

Not even Donghyuck, the only person he learned to accept in his life & care for was able to give him something some to hang on to. To make him feel that he also belonged to this fucking world.

  
Then what changed after all these years?

What made Na Jaemin so different from others?

How did he managed to feel Jeno alive just by existing?

How came just one sight of Na Jaemin was able to make Jeno's heart beat so fast that sometimes he felt that he'd die anytime?

How did Jaemin was able to paint Jeno's colorless world in different shades of love, happiness & acceptance when the boy, himself was blind?

Jaemin couldn't see, but somehow he made sure to show Jeno what love looked like, what it felt like to be alive 24/7 with a fear of dying any moment.

Jeno didn't know how his Jaemin was capable of all these. Truth to be told, he didn't even want to know. He just knew that Jaemin was the only person who caught his attention like no one ever did. He was the only person who could make Jeno feel all kind of emotions at once. 

  
Affection, what he felt when Jaemin would randomly pull him in a hug, or ask for cuddles.

  
Happiness, when Jaemin would smile at him like he was Jaemin's everything.

  
Excitement, when Jaemin would melt under his touch.

  
Nervousness, when Jaemin would want to know how he looked like.

  
Pleasure, when Jaemin would kiss him back.  
Giddiness, when he could see Jaemin's feelings in his pretty smile.

  
Longing, was what Jeno felt after not seeing the younger boy for a month.

  
Content, when Jaemin would sleep in his arms like it was the safest place for him to be.

  
Lust, was what Jeno felt when Jaemin stare at him with his visionless eyes like a innocent boy, making Jeno want to taint him with his desire.

  
Proud, when Jaemin would become pliant under Jeno's every touch, whimpering with needs.

  
Jealous, when he would see clueless Jaemin walking around with bunch of admirers trailing behind him.

  
Worried, when Jaemin would get hurt or cry.

  
Vulnerable, when Jaemin told him how much he liked Jeno.

  
Insecure, when he would think about telling Jaemin his real identity.

  
Scared, when he thought about losing Jaemin. Because he knew, he was nothing without Jaemin.

& Finally Hate, when he realized that people were trying to take Jaemin, his love, away from him.

  
& When people try to do this Jeno just would lose his control. He'd let the mask of the perfect & kind Jeno slip off, showing the world what he was in real. 

& That's why he found himself standing in the middle of Jaemin's house at midnight after getting a call that Jaemin was leaving Busan. His clothes were full of blood stains. Some had already dried, some were still fresh. 

Jeno lazily walked through the empty hallway in silence. He felt nothing for the body he left behind on the kitchen. He took his sweet time exploring the house, looking for anything or anyone that he needed to finish off. The gloves on his hands were irritating him already, he wanted to finish off all his works before getting rid of the gloves.

His new boots made sound that echoed in the empty hallway. He was sure Jaemin could hear him coming. He suddenly felt a rush of excitement in him.

Jaemin was now going to be his. No Donghyuck, no old hag, no fucking best friend would be able to separate them now. Jeno just needed to grab the younger's hand, & let them disappear from everyone's life. He could start a new life with Jaemin somewhere far away.

He could love Jaemin to the point when it would make Jaemin bound to him. Jaemin would be worshipped by Jeno like the boy deserved.

At least that's what Jeno thought.

  
As soon as he pushed open the door to Jaemin's room his eyes automatically settled on the small human ball on the corner of the room. Jaemin had his legs pulled up to his chest, head tucked between them while hands tightly pressing on his ears.

He was shaking like a leaf.

  
It seemed like he noticed someone's presence in the room as soon as Jeno stepped inside. Jaemin's suddenly became alert, eyes darting everywhere trying to find out where the other person was. He was panicking, & Jeno noticed it very well.

But what made him stop on his track was the marks on Jaemin's neck & collarbones. It seemed like someone tried to choke the other. Jeno suddenly felt blank.

Jaemin had someone else's mark on him, someone that wasn't Jeno. Jeno felt a familiar emotions inside his chest. Something that he thought he'd never feel with Jaemin. he took a step forward & Jaemin curled up more.

Jeno wasn't liking it. He didn't want Jaemin to be afraid of him. But with every step he took toward Jaemin, the younger only cried harder asking to spare him. To leave him alone.

  
But Jeno didn't know how to do so. He didn't want to do so. & Jaemin asking him this only made him more angrier. More out of control.

  
"P-please! Leave me alone! Please"

  
Jeno's eyes hardened when he crouched infront of Jaemin. The marks on Jaemin's neck & collarbones were more visible now. It was clear as day Jaemin had been with someone other than Jeno. A fact that Jeno couldn't digest.

Jaemin flinched violently when Jeno cupped one side of his face. Jaemin tried to move away, but Jeno soon gripped the hair on his nape making him cry out in pain & fear. But Jeno didn't loose his grip. He only tightened it more before pulling the other boy up with him harshly. 

Jaemin's screams were falling into deaf ears as Jeno dragged him by his hair. Jaemin was blindly clawing Jeno's hand tearing his skin but Jeno just walked like he didn't feel any pain. He really didn't.

  
Jaemin tried to get up as soon as he was carelessly thrown over his bed. But once again someone grabbed his ankles & pulled him down. He tried to kick off the hand from his leg but in vain. He was screaming for help, but only received a series of harsh tugs in his hair making him bare his neck to the other.

This couldn't be happening with him. Not again. He was afraid. Afraid that he'd get violated again. So he fought. He fought with every bit of energy he had. But then a hand suddenly snaked around his throat, choking him. All the memories from before rushed back in his mind. The attack in the school last year, the unknown guardian who attacked him on the road, Yuna bullying him in the school & dotori... His first love ruining him just a few a hours ago.

  
As every piece of clothes were torn away from his body his mind went hazier. Lack of oxygen started to make him slowly lose his consciousness. Or maybe he was just dying. Dying in the hand of some obsessed psycho. 

At least it was better than keep living with the scar dotori had given him. He was better off dead. 

All Jeno could see was red as his hands pressed against Jaemin's throat making the boy choke. His head was hurting, his heart was hurting. He wasn't being able to understand what he was doing until Jaemin went limp under him.

It was like a wake up call for Jeno. The grip on Jaemin's throat loosened automatically as soon as his brain pieced up what he had done. Jeno found his hand trembling as he removed it from thr other's throat to his face.

"Jaemin?" Jeno called out softly while tapping Jaemin's face softly. He tried to wake up the boy, but Jaemin didn't. 

"Jaem? Open your eyes...." Jeno called again, now both hand cupping the other's face while Jeno hovered over him. "It's me Jeno. Your Dotori." Jeno's voice was trembling now. 

"I'm sorry I-" His voice got stuck remembering what he was doing with the boy a while ago. No wonder his heart ached violently when his brain was out of it. His heart knew he was doing wrong. But before his brain could understand, it was too late.

"Baby I swear I won't hurt you anymore... Please" A tear slid off from his eyes as he pressed a long kiss on Jaemin's forehead. "I swear I'll never do that again, please wake up..." Jeno mumbled against Jaemin's forehead while tears streamed down his face.

Jeno slowly backed off when he realized Jaemin wasn't gonna wake up. He felt his world crushing down seeing Jaemin's almost naked body in front of him.

It was full of marks. From being abused. From someone who wasn't Jeno. Jeno felt his breathing slowing down dangerously as his eyes trailed over the red & purples in Jaemin's body. It was full of scratches, it looked painful.

Jeno finally understood what happened. But still he dared to pull Jaemin's pants a little bit lower, just enough to see his abused rear. 

  
Jeno punished Jaemin for something he didn't even do. He let him kill his love, his world with his own hand.

A sudden wave of guilt hit Jeno with full force. For the first time Jeno felt regret. Just because of Jaemin. Jaemin gave him the world, but Jeno only destroyed him with his fucking mentality. Jeno's fucked up brain just took Jaemin away from him & now Jeno didn't know what to do. What to live for.

  
Jeno sat on the middle of the bed hugging Jaemin's limp body to his chest. His eyes were trained on Jaemin's peaceful feature while his fingers combed Jaemin's dark soft hair slowly. He could faintly hear the siren coming from police cars outside the Na house.

He knew he should leave immediately.

But Jeno didn't know how to leave Jaemin. He didn't know how to live without seeing Jaemin's pretty smile or without hearing his pretty voice calling him Dotori. He didn't know if he could live again. It was like his heart died again, just like it was before he met Jaemin. 

Jeno was alone again. Without Jaemin he was back being to nothing.

_**4th March, 2017** _

_**12:07am** _

Taeyong rushed out from the car as soon as the car stopped. He shouted at his team to follow him immediately. It took a heavy kick on the door to open it with a loud bang. 

& The sight inside was enough to make his heart beat faster in worry. 

Whole house was messed up. Broken vases, messy sofas, broken glass table were the indication that he was right. Someone attacked while Mrs. Na was talking to him earlier about Jaemin. She sounded scared when she begged Taeyong to move Jaemin away from Busan. Taeyong didn't now why she was afraid, he guessed it was because of the Lucas kid. He was the one who had been hanging out with Jaemin.

"Sir! We found a body!" 

With dread settled in his heart he rushed toward the kitchen only to find Mrs. Na's bloody body. She had been stabbed multiple times in her stomach, & there was a deep wound in her head as if someone had hit her with something heavy. Her eyes were wide open, as if she died in a huge shock. Then suddenly he remembered about Jaemin.

_Where was he?!_

Taeyong felt his mind filling up with fear as he ran up the stairs to the the second floor to Jaemin's room. The door was locked from inside. Taeyong immediately fired on the lock of the gate, breaking it on the process. With his gun pointed to the front of him he rushed inside.

Jaemin was there on the bed with a duvet covering his half naked body. Red, blues & purples were covering every inch of his golden skin, almost making it seem like artificial painting. The colors of abuses he went through were that vivid. 

With a shaky hand Taeyong pressed two fingers on Jaemin's neck trying to find pulse. & He almost cried out when he detected a faint pulse after a few seconds. The boy was still alive.

Taeyong shouted out for his people who immediately took Jaemin to the nearest hospital while giving some emergency aid they had. Taeyong stayed behind to investigate more. It didn't take him & his team to find the chef & the housekeeper's body. Somehow both were founded in backyard garden.

They searched every inch of the Na property to find any clue. But there was nothing in particular, that's when he asked the forensic team to collect all the footprint they could gather, especially from Jaemin's room.

  
The news soon spread everywhere. Media kept camping around the hospital to collect information about the surviving victim. Besides it was the second time that a mass murder happened & Jaemin was alive. But the only information Taeyong gave them was his condition was critical.

It was around 4 of the morning when he raided on Lucas's house. Mrs. Na had been suspicious of him. But to his surprise he found out that Lucas left the town yesterday. Now Taeyong got into a complex situation.

  
The main suspect was out of town. Then how could it be that he killed Mrs. Na. Besides there was nothing in lucas's house that indicated that he knew Jaemin or he was with Jaemin. There was no clue.

Everything looked like a dead end to Taeyong. & That's when Donghyuck & Renjun came to him. They told him about what they knew, but not without Donghyuck purposely not taking Jeno's name in the statement. 

According to them Jaemin had gone missing for a few hours last afternoon. When they couldn't find him they contacted with Mrs. Na who asked them to look for him immediately. She was supposed to call the police if they couldn't find him in a few hours. After two hours of searching the neighborhood Renjun got a call from Mrs. Na saying Jaemin was back home & cut off the line. They went to Na house but Mrs. Na told them that Jaemin didn't want to meet with anyone. 

"I found it suspicious. Jaemin never did that even if he was sick or upset. He would be happy whenever people would spend time with him." Renjun sighed frustrated. He had been blaming himself for listening to Mrs. Na last day. He should've been more persistent to meet with Jaemin.

"I think I know why." Taeyong said in small voice making the other two look at him in confusion. Taeyong took a deep breath to let out what he had found out from the doctor's earlier.

"He..... He was physically abused." Taeyong forced out the last two words making the other two gasp loudly. It didn't take long for Renjun to break down into loud sobs. Donghyuck on the otherhand was blankly looking at Taeyong. Taeyong could see how hard he was trying to force back the tears from falling. It was too shocking for them. 

"Mrs. Na did call me last night. She sounded scared as she kept asking me to move Jaemin away from his home. When I asked her if anything was wrong, she just replied that Jaemin was in trouble." Taeyong said with a heavy voice. "She wanted to talk with me in details but suddenly her line dropped. I tried to call back. But no one answered, that's when I got a feeling that something was very wrong."

"Wait- that means Mrs. Na didn't contact you when Jaemin went missing?!" Donghyuck asked surprised, & when taeyong nodded in affirmation to his question, Donghyuck slumped back on the seat dejected.

"I don't know why. But she should've. She could've save herself & Jaemin if she did so." Taeyong said frustrated.

"W-what about Nana? Is...is he gonna be alright?" Renjun's voice was trembling as he gripped Donghyuck's hand tightly as if he was afraid to hear the answer.

"Physically, yes. But mentally.... I don't know... I don't know how he's to gonna react once he wakes up." Taeyong replied.

Taeyong was thinking hard. He needed to find a solution for Jaemin until he could solve the murder cases & catch the culprits. He needed to keep the future of Jaemin safe & away from his present & past. But how? He glanced at the unconscious body of Jaemin through the glass wall of emergency room. The sight alone was enough to bring tears in his eyes.

Taeyong wasn't the one to cry so easily. He wasn't someone with a weak heart & mentality. Otherwise it wasn't possible to be in police department with such a high ranking. Emotion had no place where he worked. But watching Jaemin like this just broke his heart again & again.

  
"What're you gonna do now?" A familiar voice interrupted Taeyong's train of thoughts.

"I donno Yuta. I really donno. Have you found out about anything else?" Taeyong stole glanced at his coworker before looking back at Jaemin.

"I did. It's not much. But enough to put that Kid, Lucas, behind the bar for now. He bought two tickets to Jeju for 3rd March." Yuta handed over a file to Taeyong, who immediately opened it to check the documents.

"One was for the train that leaves at 1pm with his name & another that leaves around 11pm with a fake name, Eunhyuk. Both were purchased on 2nd March, but at different time. The counter guy confirmed after recognizing him from the photo we showed him." Yuta said making Taeyong's eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"Fuck- that means when Jaemin went missing he was here?! In Busan?!" Taeyong asked frustrated making Yuta nod.

"There's a huge chance that it was him who abused Jaemin. Everything that we found until now, all are pointing at him. We just need the DNA test report to pass him to the court."

"Yeah- he's already been called for interrogation. He'd be here by 5pm. We can just arrest him then & wait for the report." Yuta suggested making Taeyong nod in approval.

"But what are you gonna do about the unknown one? Even though we're almost sure that Lucas was the rapist, we can't just press the murder charge on him without any concrete evidence. Do you think it was the other one? The one from last year?" Yuta asked.

"I'm sure it's the other one. The way he killed those kids & the people in Na house are similar. Also that kid from Jaemin's school, Yubin. According to another victim, it was someone who's obsessed with Jaemin. He attacked both kid because both liked Jaemin. It can be him." Taeyong said remembering all the statements he gathered from others. Donghyuck & Renjun was sure that the killer from last year & Yubin's killer was the same person. Their theory also matches with-

  
"TY hyung.. A kid wants to meet you. He said he knew something about the case." Jungwoo suddenly interrupted Taeyong & Yuta's conversation making both of them look back at him.

"A kid?" Taeyong asked already walking down the corridor to meet with him leaving Yuta outside the emergency room. 

"Yeah, it's the kid who survived from the psycho attack last month. **Lee Jeno**."

**Author's Note:**

> Find me at~
> 
> [Nabo’s here!](https://curiouscat.me/yrrosoban)


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